


The Wolf, The Dog and The Maiden

by lisinfleur



Series: Vikings - Long Fictions [2]
Category: Vikings (TV), Vikings (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 09:53:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16700239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisinfleur/pseuds/lisinfleur
Summary: You were raised by Ragnar and Aslaug like one of their children after your father, a loyal warrior of his men, died in battle for him. When your godfather died, you came back to join the Great Heathen Army and find your "brothers" fully grown...





	1. The Arrival

**_“Ubbe! Hvitserk!”_**  Ivar decided to warn everyone in Kattegat that he’d found you, crawling right by your side, like you were a prize for him to be proud of finding.  ** _“Look what I just found when I was looking around!”_**

 ** _“(Y/N)!”_**   Ubbe came first, touching your face with both of his hands before he laid his forehead on yours.

You still remember when he had to lower his head to do the same thing. Now, he still has to lean lower, but you’re taller than when you’ve left for to your adventures around the kingdoms.

You were trying to find your own path since you have been raised near the youngest sons of the legend, your king. It is hard to be near the son’s of Ragnar and not want to end up being only one of their wives. But now you have heard about the terrible fate of your king and the plans of his sons of avenging him at England, you finally decided to come back to see the brothers and to help them on their quest, as a way to say “thank you” and “goodbye” to your godfather.

Your father had died on a raid, serving theirs and in honor of his memory, your king has raised you with his sons. It is not like he was a father for you, just the same as he wasn’t a father even to his own children, but you’ve always seen Aslaug, your queen, as a benevolent mother for receiving you in her house, Ragnar was kinda godfather to you and all of his sons you have always seen like your own brothers. Of course, knowing they’re not truly your blood kindred, you couldn’t deny the fact that the time has done well for them. Especially to Hvitserk and Ubbe, the latter whom you remember had no beard when you’ve left.

 ** _“Look who’s just looking like your father…”_** you put your fingers into his beard, caressing his face with sweetness  ** _“Missed you, brother.”_**

He closed his eyes at the mention of his father and you did the same. But a playful tone cut off your sad moment, calling your attention to behind you. ****

**_“Oh, so there is no missing hugs and kisses for me? I’ll remember that when you become hungry at night and come into my room searching for some of my snacks!”_ **

Ubbe just laughs at the jealous tone of his brother’s words, but you turned to the source of the playful voice and found a beautiful smile looking at you.

 ** _“Hello, handsome”_**  You start, opening your arms wide to receive Hvitserk between them in a warm and long hug.  ** _“Of course I missed you too.”_**

 ** _“Of course you did. You’re thin now. Nobody was giving you food properly!”_** he laughs, holding your face into his fingers, affectionately  ** _“Spend some more time with me and we can handle it, smukke,”_**  he said, remembering the old name he was used to calling you.

But now it made some shivers come down onto your spine. He wasn’t that beautiful when he was younger. And his voice wasn’t so smooth calling you that way.

Your mouth caught a deep breath before answering his smile with another, caressing his hand on your face before turning it to Ubbe again.

Trying to focus on your objectives and not on the way your brothers have grown strong and beautifully.

**_“I’ve heard about your father and I’m sorry.”_ **

Ubbe kept a deep breath and the smile on Hvitserk’s face just slowly vanished.

 ** _“We are already working on it.”_**  Ivar started as you were searching for someplace for the four of you to sit.

He crawled to some trunks near the deck you just arrived and his brothers followed him. So did you, sitting in one of those trunks and staring at him as he talked, with some shadows over his face.

**_“I was there and father told me what to do…”_ **

**_“But you’ll not do it by yourself, right, brother?”_**  Ubbe cut him off, with one of his hands over his shoulder, making Ivar look at him with some irony in his eyes.

 ** _“If you let me talk maybe I can reach the right point, brother.”_**  He smirked and Ubbe withdrew his hand from Ivar’s shoulder, letting him continue  ** _“As I was saying, I was there and father told me what to do. He told me to come back and reunite with our brothers, and together”_** he said the word looking at Ubbe with a little emphasis at the term  ** _“We could build an army to avenge him at England.”_**

**_“I’ve heard about the great army you’re planning. That’s why I came back. I wish to be part of it, to fight by our king and avenge your father’s death.”_ **

They laughed at each other and Ubbe smirked at you.

**_“As you heard about us, so we’ve heard about your achievements, my sister…”_ **

You have always found some irony in Ubbe calling you sister. It was different from when Sigurd or Ivar did the same. But now, it sounds more visible, maybe because you’re not as innocent as you used to be and now you know men enough to understand a bit of malice on that curve locked on the corner of his lips.

Was he showing attraction? To you?

You raised your eyebrow, making his smile even more visible. And now, Hvitserk also had a curve on his lips that caught your attention for some long seconds.

When did your brothers become so handsome and charming?

Ivar, who seems to be completely out of your brothers’ mood, continued what Ubbe had started, while your older brothers were looking at each other with those strange smiles on their faces.

**_“We’ve heard about your strength and your ability, sis. It’s going to be a great addition to our army to have a shield maiden like you leading the front line beside us.”_ **

Your eyes turned to Ivar’s. He looks so furious from inside… So filled with an anger that was about to explode. You knew your crippled little brother well enough to see much more than the desires of avenging on his eyes.

But before you could say anything or ask him about it, a pair of hands covered your eyes.

**_“Guess who?”_ **

That melodic voice! How could you forget?

 ** _“Sigurd…”_**  you said with some nostalgic tone in your voice, before you turn to him, holding your beloved brother in a tight hug.  ** _“I missed you so, so badly! There were no better players of the oud from where I’m coming now. I’m missing your music.”_**

He smiled caressing your hair, touching and messing your braids as he used to do when you’re younger.

**_“I can play for you at night.”_ **

**_“It would be a pleasure to hear you.”_ **

**_“But not now.”_** Ivar.

Again all that anger in his eyes and voice, attracting a displeasing look into Sigurd’s eyes.

 ** _“As you can see, brother, we have more important things to discuss than your oud.”_** he continued, and Sigurd looked at him with a little bit of debauch on his marked eyes.

**_“Still trying to lead something, Ivar? Haven’t you understood yet that Björn is the rightful leader of our army and he’ll command everything on father’s revenge?”_ **

**_“That doesn’t mean I’ll be stuck here playing, eating, dancing and doing nothing about it!”_**  Ivar answered, his entire body language turning into anger…

**_“Just don’t mess up anything, ok? Björn is quite a leader without you interfering and trying to question him on everything…”_ **

**_“At least I’m doing something!”_ **

You saw the fight coming on Sigurd’s ungracious smile and the way Ivar had frowned. His beautiful blue eyes becoming dark and almost red…

**_“You two are still fighting for nothing? Uh? Come on! I’ve just arrived and I came to help. I don’t want to see my brothers fighting each other! We need to be together if we want to avenge your father so let’s stop this discussion ok?”_ **

One of your hands went on Sigurd’s shoulder. The other, to Ivar’s face, holding his chin on your fingers with some small caresses to make his tension go away.

**_“We must be together now. Let us put our differences aside for now and fight together in order to crush our enemies.”_ **

Ivar’s heavy breaths becoming lighter as you speak. Sigurd’s smile to you is a little softer.

 ** _“I missed your skills, (Y/N).”_**   Ubbe said, smiling at you, now, with true sweetness and not that malice you’ve seen before  ** _“These two jerks don’t stop mocking each other without you here to take care of them!”_**

His hand touched Ivar’s head, messing his hair and Ivar looked at you with a little smile on his face.

You never let Sigurd mock him too long or Ivar beat on Sigurd beyond one or two punches. With you there, he used to feel comfortable even with his brothers jokes, because he knows they would never go too far.

 ** _“You’re right, (Y/N).”_** Ivar said, breathing slowly  ** _“In order to crush our enemies, I think I can handle even your music, Sigurd.”_**

**_“Fuck you, Ivar. The ladies don’t complain about my oud as they use to complain about your useless cock.”_ **

**_“And here we go again”,_**  you thought, before a heavy and gross voice arrives silencing everyone just like your godfather’s voice used to do.

**_“Enough!”_ **

A heavy pair of hands landed on your shoulders and you could feel the smell of sandal and spices you could never forget.

 ** _“Björn…”_**  you whispered, smiling.

 ** _“You two just stop acting like kids and let (Y/N) have some rest after her journey here.”_**  He pressed your shoulders comfortably, kissing the top of your head  ** _“Welcome back, sister. Go take a bath, give yourself some food and rest, and then… We can talk about war”._**

He was right. It was a long and journey there and you were tired. A bath and some warm food would make quite a difference for you now.

 ** _“Come”_** Hvitserk reached out his hand to you, softly smiling again ** _“I have just arrived from the Mediterranean with Björn. We can go home together and I’ll do something to make us feel comfortable.”_**

You accepted his hand, smiling.

**_“It will be good to be home again. And I think Aslaug will be happy with the presents I brought to you all.”_ **

It was supposed to be a good thing, but all smiles just vanished at Aslaug’s name was mentioned.

Ivar immediately became gloomy, pulling his head down, looking to Björn with so much anger in his blue eyes before crawl away from everyone.

You looked around trying to understand what you did wrong, hearing Hvitserk sigh while Björn touched his own forehead with a concerned expression.

**_“What just happened?”_ **

**_“(Y/N).”_**  Ubbe’s voice sounded serious when he called your name. ** _“My mother is dead.”_**

It was like an arrow thrown at your chest. First, your godfather. Now, your queen and godmother. You sat down again. The world was turning around too fast for you to stand up.

 ** _“Do we really need to talk about this now?”_**  Björn interfered, but Ubbe was inexpressive to his words and just kept talking as he had said nothing at all.

**_“She was murdered by Lagertha who’s now ruling Kattegat.”_ **

Your eyes have gone straight to Björn’s and he sighed loud and heavy.

 ** _“Too many things to talk. You still need to rest. Go. We’ll talk about everything later.”_**  he insisted for you to go and Hvitserk came to you, taking you by your shoulders this time, guiding your almost lost steps back to your home…

You could only remember her smiling at you when you were leaving on the boat. 

Now your childhood was almost entirely ruined.

You felt Hvitserk’s hands softly pressing your arms and his look was warm and cozy. So you kept looking at him, with your eyes close to tears that you didn’t mean to let fall.

Your brothers, your closest friends, they were all you have now.

And you would do whatever was necessary for their sake.


	2. The Faithful Dog

On the way to your room, you have recovered yourself a little from the shock of the recent news you’ve received. And you asked Hvitserk to tell you how the things had come to that terrible end.

He told you he wasn’t on Kattegat at the moment, but Ubbe has said his mother was stabbed by an arrow from behind after ask only for safe passage to the now queen Lagertha.

You asked Hvitserk to leave you for a while, but instead of it, he stayed, sat at the bed right by your side and hugged you tightly, kissing your hair softly and caressing your skin endlessly while you cried yourself a river.

You’ve cried like that when you’ve heard about your godfather’s death and the way he died, but you did it by yourself and not for too long, on your tent, at the camp you were living when the news arrived. You weren’t there to protect your godmother or to save your godfather. And now your brothers’ family is destroyed.

You feel guilty now for all the sadness into Ubbe’s eyes or the angry into Ivar’s. Maybe if you weren’t so selfish about having a career as a shield maiden or prove yourself more than a “probably-soon-to-be-wife” of one of the Ragnarssons… Maybe you were there to protect at least your queen and avoid Ivar to suffer other great loss in his life.

Hvitserk doesn’t seem to be concerned about his mother’s death, but there is no new on him about it: you know he wasn’t that close to Aslaug since Ubbe and he almost died on that iced lake years ago, but his company is making you feel better anyway. He seems to be more concerned about comforting you than feel his own sorry.

That was the first time you caught yourself crying with anyone else holding your tears. And you don’t remember Hvitserk’s hugs being so warm and sweet, with caresses so good and cozy.

He seems to ignore time, sliding his fingers through your hair slowly and whispering sweet words to your ears.

 ** _“That’s ok. We’re all back together now and we’ll fix it for you ok?”,_**  He says, gently.

Smiling one of that smiles that makes you feel strange since you saw him again.

You’re feeling a little better now. Enough to look at him, staring his smile for a while before you touch it with your fingertips, making it turns into a small curve on his lips, with a tender look into his eyes.

 ** _“Time was good with you, brother.“_** You curve your lips on a small and shy smile to him.

But he seems to be satisfied: at least you weren’t crying so hard anymore.

He holds your hand and gently kisses your fingertips before using his own to dry the last tears from your face.

 ** _"And you became too pretty to cry this way, smukke."_** Once again, he is smiling.

Such a pretty and sweet smile, so easy and shining… Almost hypnotic, imprisoning your eyes so hard that you almost can’t answer his soft words.

 ** _“You said you brought us some presents."_** He reminds you, clearly trying to change your mood to something better “ ** _Can I have mine first?”_**

And he gets his goal: you laugh, low but still you laugh, remembering his anxiety about gaining whatever you could bring to him: a cookie stolen from the kitchen, his birthday presents he always had tried to get from you before the right date… All you have to do is tell him you have something to him and is done: He’ll not stop until he has what you brought in his hands.

You turn to your baggage, opening one of the bags you brought with you and searching, taking a little more time just to feel him nervous by your side.

 ** _“Everything is fine?”_**  He asks, making you smirk again, this time, trying to hide your laugh from him.

 ** _"Yeah… I just think I can’t find it…”_**  You joke, seeing with the side of your eye, rubbing his hands one on the other, leaning almost over you, trying to see inside your bag.

But he can see your hand holding something and so he gets your joke immediately.

 ** _“Oh, you found it! Com'on! Don’t be so cruel! I want my present!”_**  he says, almost jumping over you, trying to get what you now hold in your hands, trying to put it away from him just for fun. ** _“No! Give it to me!!”_**

In a short time, you two are almost laid on the bed. His body over yours, trying desperately to reach his present in your hand.

 ** _“Com'on (Y/N), don’t be so cruel!”_**  He moans, turning his face to yours just to see you laughing as who are seeing the funniest thing in this world.

Suddenly he stops trying to get your hand. And you open your wet eyes, concerned he might be angry with you. But he is just there, staring at you. So close that you almost can feel the smell of his breath on your face, almost crossing with yours.

His smell, something between the refreshing mint and spices that you can’t recognize, involving you for a second, making your thoughts just fade away from your mind.

You could swear he was getting closer when you finally get to yourself again, putting his present through his neck: a beautiful necklace with a  ** _Vegvisír_** pendant you bought to him when you first heard he was now traveling with Björn to new lands.  ** _“To guide and protect you on your new explorations, Puppy.”_** You say.

Remembering your old name to him, seeing while he looks at your present with the same shine in his eyes he used to have to everything that comes from you.

 ** _“Thank you, (Y/N).”_**  He says, softly caressing your face.

And you have the clear impression he’s getting closer again. But something cut the movement…

 ** _“I hope you’re not taking advantage of a moment of fragility from our (Y/N) just to have your presents before everyone, Hvitserk.”_**   Ubbe’s voice, coming from the door.

Hvitserk and your older brother trade that strange smile again. And he ends the initial movement, kissing your cheek innocently.

But you’re pretty sure he wasn’t intending it from the beginning. That smile on his face doesn’t mislead you.

What he was thinking about?

With Ubbe entering the room, sitting on the bed with you both, it seems you will never understand where Hvitserk was really intending to get…

 ** _“Look!”_**  He shows your present, proudly, to a surprised Ubbe  ** _“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? She said it is to protect me on my traveling.”_**

Ubbe touches the pendant, analyzing it before smile.

**_“I hope you brought something good to me too, sister.”_ **

Hvitserk laughs on his envy. And tenderly caress the pendant before put it on his chest again, smiling at you.

But there was again that strange tone on Ubbe’s voice. That word… "Sister”…

At the beginning you thought he was mad about his father bringing a stranger girl to his home, telling him to treat you like his younger sister.

But now… He was always so gentle and protective of you, always so funny and sweet… Why that word always sounded so wrong on his lips?

 ** _“Of course I did, Wolf.”_**  You said, making him smile with your old nickname.

 ** _“She still calls me Puppy”_** Hvitserk commented, smiling to Ubbe, receiving a sweet smile back.

 ** _“The years have changed us all, but we’re still in each other’s hearts same way”_**  Ubbe says, touching a lock of your hair  ** _“Aren’t we, smukke?”_**

You turn your eyes to theirs. Hvitserk was smiling again, so as Ubbe.

And all the nonsense about words sounding wrong or different intentions just vanishes on their smiles.

You love them so hard… It was so hard to be away from them for so long.

Your fingertips were now caressing Ubbe’s beard again.

And he leans his forehead on yours once again.

**_“Yeah. We are, my wolf. We are.”_ **

It doesn’t matter what they were thinking or all the things had happened to you all. They’re your beloved and you’re finally home again.


	3. The Lurking Wolf

**_“So… what did you bring me?”_** **,**  Ubbe questioned, calling your attention to the fact he was curious about your present.

You smiled at him, reaching your bag again, to search for the little leather bag you bought for him.

 ** _“Well, Wolf, your gift will give me some more work than only open it.”,_** you smirked, shaking the little bag on your hands, provoking a metallic noise that raised them both eyebrows.

**_“What did you bring him?”_ ** ****

Hvitserk was snooping, showing why you named him “Puppy” when you were younger: always curious, putting his nose on everything, sometimes - why not to say - in trouble, naturally.

But you always thought it was funny to him and you were right: it was the prelude of the man he became, inquisitive and interested in new discoveries and explorations.

It wasn’t your intention to leave them waiting, so you opened the little bag, putting its content in the palm of your hand, showing them the small metal beads, decorated with some runes and protection symbols you had found with a goldsmith in one of the kingdoms you crossed coming back home.

 ** _“I had heard you already had long hair and the shield maidens used to talk about your beautiful braid, so I thought about these for you”_** **,**  you said, as Ubbe took one of the beads from your hand, looking at it with a little smile on his face.  ** _“They are made of white and dark gold, symbolizing the duality of our life. And they carry protection symbols and runes of our gods, to battle, to wisdom, to guidance and why not… To love.”_** _,_ you continued, smiling back at him when he closed his hand around the bead, pointing your face with his finger, smiling playfully at what you said.

 ** _“I want you to put it on for me. It seems my ‘beautiful braid’ will be remade.”,_** he jokes, waiting for you to sit down properly on the bed so he can sit between your legs.

His back turned on you so you could fiddle with his hair.

Hvitserk smirked and almost laugh at something, making you believe Ubbe was saying or doing something to him you couldn’t hear or see, but yet you started to undo his braid, slowly loosening all his long and red hair you used to think was so beautiful.

You slid your fingers slowly through his hair, in order to separate the strands, concentrated in what you were doing, but Ubbe broke your concentration with a small moan when you achieved the base of his neck.

 ** _“That’s good. I still like your fingers this way”,_** he mumbled, almost explaining the moan you had heard seconds before, but it didn’t fade the sensation that his voice moaning that way had caused to your body.

You have already made his braids before when he was younger and his hair wasn’t that long. And you remember he used to like when you caressed his head with your fingertips, softly. Sometimes he even fell asleep with your touches. But this time he wasn’t getting sleepy.

That sound was almost… Sexually satisfied. A low moan, almost a dragged growl that made shivers go down your entire spine.

Part of you reproved yourself, but you couldn’t deny the wetness between your legs or the way he made you so… Hot… With only that sound that made your heart skip a beat.

Hvitserk was looking at you and you were ready to smirk at him, trying to disguise your sensations. But you saw again… His smile was there, but it was different. He noticed your reaction to Ubbe’s moan and he seemed to be…  _Enjoying your expressions…_

You moved your eyes quickly back to Ubbe’s hair, trying to pretend nothing was happening, but you’re sure you’ve heard Hvitserk giggling.

What was happening in that room?

Why was the air suddenly so hot and scarce?

You’ve tried to focus yourself on braiding Ubbe’s hair with the new beads, spreading them through the braid, but your fingers were hard working while your brain wasn’t there.

That moan simply didn’t leave your ears, repeating itself almost like it was trying to drive you insane, making your fingers tremble, your work even harder.

 ** _“It’s done”_** **,**  you finally said, ending the last knot at the stripe of leather you used to tie his braid again. The beads spread on his hair giving it beautiful shining spots, increasing his infamous “prince look” with the new jewels on his braid that he pulled over his shoulder to look closely.

 ** _“They’re beautiful, (Y/N).”_** **,**  he said, turning his head over his shoulder, his blue wide eyes right on your  _(y/e/c)_ eyes.  ** _“Thank you!”_**  he said, tilting his body toward yours until his back was entirely leaning against your chest. His face so close to yours as Hvitserk’s was some minutes ago. One of his hands landed on your face and he used his thumb to caress your check.

But instead of kissing your face as Hvitserk did, he just advanced his head a little more. And you were caught completely unprepared when he just touched your lips with his own, kissing your mouth softly and tenderly in a simple quick kiss before pulling his face away. A smile on the corner of his lips, his eyes looking straight into yours.  _Such beautiful blue eyes._

You couldn’t believe. He kissed you? Your eyes were widened, turning to Hvitserk.

Hvitserk giggled again and went to the door, locking it as Ubbe pulled his body back now, away from yours, but still looking at you that way, smirking.

 **“ _I told you… You scared her.”,_**  Hvitserk said, still smiling when he sat by your side on the bed.

 ** _“She’s not scared, Hvitserk. She’s surprised”_** **.**  Ubbe answered him, smiling back at his brother.

And he was right. You just froze after that kiss. Your mind fragmented on millions of pieces. Your memories of your childhood by his side, your smiles and jokes with him, the taste of his mouth, spiced and warm, almost spicy… The way the word “sister” never made sense on his lips now completely explained on his actions.

 ** _“In the beginning, I tried to see you as my sister, (Y/N) but with the time making you such a beautiful woman, I’ve failed. Miserably.”,_** he started, explaining while Hvitserk wrapped a lock of your hair on his fingers, caressing your face on the process.  **“ _Hvitserk practically followed my visions… You were so beautiful, strong and smart…”_**

Hvitserk smirked at his mention, side looking you without stopping his fingers on your hair. You almost couldn’t breathe. His eyes were now so numb and his expression so clearly desirous… Almost…  _Hungry_.

 ** _“To me, you never needed to prove anything. I always knew you were more than a ‘soon-to-be-wife’ to any of us. But I have to be honest…_** **”,** Ubbe continued, getting closer again, to whisper in your ears while Hvitserk bitted his lower lip, looking at you that exciting way.  **“ _You have always turned us on…”_**

You lost your last breath on those words. But you should have saved some air and you discovered why in the following second: Ubbe got up from the bed, but Hvitserk tilted his body over yours, making the same strange way he was doing before Ubbe stepped into the room. And while his older brother was picking a chair to sit in front of you two, near the bed, Hvitserk completed his way to your mouth, kissing you softly and slower than Ubbe has done, deeply, filling your mouth with his sweet and warm taste before you could even think about what you just have heard from your older…

No…

You couldn’t call them brothers. They were important and close to you as brothers, but brothers never would be able to make your body feel like this. You were enjoying their lips and kisses. You were warm and wet with Ubbe’s voice and now? Your body was entirely hot with Hvitserk’s taste in your mouth. He had turned you on, and you couldn’t deny it.

Admitting your condition made your mind a little bit straight and you found enough breath to talk while Hvitserk was pulling back his body from yours.

**_“What are you two doing? What do you mean, Ubbe, Hvitserk?”_ **

Your voice sounded cracked and almost mumbled. Ubbe opened a short smile. Hvitserk giggled that sexy way again and now you didn’t pretend to yourself he wasn’t being sexy. He was. A beautiful man giggling and licking his own lips after kissing you, that’s what he was.

You had your experiences. Nothing romantic, but you never were this type of girl. You had casual sex with some warriors on your way, and you can’t deny you had already closed your eyes thinking about how time had made Ragnar’s sons beautiful and attractive. Even Ivar, with his disabilities, was still a handsome man, with those fierce blue eyes in the beautiful bone structure of his face. Sigurd has that sweet smile and even Björn, who was far older than you, had his attractive points to a woman of your age. But you had to admit, Ubbe always was your favorite of the boys and Hvitserk had that charming thing about himself that you couldn’t resist.

 ** _“We mean that we want you.”,_** Ubbe has gone right into the spot, looking at you with that beautiful blue eyes.

 ** _“We?”,_** you questioned, bouncing your eyes between them both, seeing when Hvitserk licked his lips, rolling his tongue between them, making them as wet as you could feel yourself now, before smirk again, answering your question almost sloppy, _**“Yeah. We.”.**_

That-fucking-smile. What was that fucking smile on his face, melting your already low resistance and making your own lips dry for another sweet and wet kiss like the first one he gave you? When did he become such a tempting man?

But Ubbe gave you no time to think, his voice following the sensual tone on his brother’s before him,  ** _“You know we do almost all things together and we never had a problem about sharing things… So…”_** he made a pause, getting up from the chair, walking to you again. Caressing your face with his fingers as he kept talking, slowly, _**“It is not different with the girls. Let’s say we have the same taste for women, so we see no problem in sharing the ones who accept us both. And I have to say you’re exactly the type of girl that makes me feel horny.”**_

Again that tone. That gross and low tone using that dirty word so close to your ears, making your collar too tight. Your body sweating inside those clothes.

 ** _“Once your beauty had attracted Hvitserk the same way it did with me, we agreed in talking to you about our desires when you came back to Kattegat.”_** he was now looking in your eyes again, quite inside of them, with that two pieces of the sky, so limpid.  ** _“And here we are”,_**  he finished.

They smiled at each other and it was your younger companion’s time to continue, with that playful tone you always found sweetie and attractive in his voice.

 ** _“But you don’t need to rush, (Y/N). We’ll give you some time to think about it. You’ve just arrived, discovered lots of things and you must be tired of your long travel.”_** Hvitserk started, before tilting his body near to yours again, mumbling on your ear, softly, making your entire body tremble in excitation,  ** _“We want to feel you entirely, with no excuses to stop before the dawn”._**

The air just escaped your mouth, with a warm sigh. You jaw had dropped in surprise, so your mouth was a little opened when you saw Hvitserk eyes lose yours, looking over your shoulder with a smile. But you had no time to turn your face before a warm touch assault your neck, finally breaking your self-control: Ubbe had nested his face on the curve of your nape and kissed your neck tickling your skin with his beard and striking your entire body with a wave of intense heat. It was impossible to prevent your voice to escape through your mouth on a loud and clear moan that made Hvitserk frown, biting his lower lip again. And Ubbe snarled against your skin before leaving that position, moving away from you with a smile on his face.

 ** _“Think about our proposal, (Y/N)”,_** Ubbe said, squeezing Hvitserk’s shoulder, calling him quietly to leave with him **. _“We’ll be waiting for your answer”_** he said smiling before leaving.

Hvitserk smirking at you before closing the door of your room after him, leaving you behind with all that heat and those thoughts.

What should you do now?

You took a deep breath, finally relaxing your shoulders and your entire tense body, almost dropping yourself over the bed. Your eyes closed and you could feel again…

The tickling of Ubbe’s beard on your neck…

The sweet taste of Hvitserk’s lips…

Your entire body was burning with desire and you just didn’t know what to do. The only thing you were sure was that sleep and rest were the last things you could do now…


	4. The Beauty and the Beast

The rest of that day was strange. You spent a lot of your time in your room, facing the ceiling, thinking about what happened.

It took a long time before that heat faded away and you could think clearly again. They were your companions of life, almost your brothers, but you had to admit, they were handsome and attractive and your feelings about those kisses were far too strong to be ignored.

And what could be wrong about some casual sex to pass the time? What could be wrong about feeling that sweet taste on Hvitserk’s lips or close your eyes under those delicious roars on Ubbe’s voice?

Your thoughts were populating your mind when you heard some knocks on your door.

 ** _“(Y/N)? Are you awake?”,_** Sigurd’s voice, always so sweet.

 ** _“Yes. Come in,”_**  you answered, listening to your door open again, and Sigurd came in with a bright smile on his face, sitting by your side of the bed, while you settled yourself, leaning your back against the headboard.

 ** _“You said you wish to hear me playing again, so, I came to call you to the dinner. There will be another party tonight since Ivar and Ubbe had interrupted the first one. We’re celebrating the war chiefs that came to help us avenge our father’s death, giving them a feast and some comfort before we leave for battle so, I thought you could come and feast with us.”_**  he said, inviting you. He seemed to be quite excited about the idea of having you near his place on dinner table again.

You smiled.

Sigurd was always your sweetest one. With his smiles and kindness, he was always the one who melted your heart. You still can remember his little fingers starting to learn the oud that now he plays so well. His sweet smiles when he did it right for the first time. Now he seems so grown…

You lifted your hand, touching his face, caressing his checks while he tilted his head over your hand, smiling softly.

 ** _“I missed you, little brother.”,_** _y_ ou said, smiling tenderly to his eyes. Even the snake mark on them now is not strange anymore, but give his face some mystery, attracting the eye almost hypnotically.

 ** _“So did I”,_**  he answered, caressing your hand in his face with his thumb.  ** _“Things are not the same without you here. There are so many things I wish to show you! I’m now a composer! Now I play my own music!”,_** he continued, proudly.  ** _“And well, despite what Ivar says, I’m not a disaster with the oud anymore”,_**  he jokes, making your smile bigger.

 ** _“Oh, I can imagine. The girls must be running after you like flies on a sweet cake, honey bee”,_**  you remembered him of his nickname and he laughs on you, a little shy of what you said.

 ** _“This is not true.”_** , he countered, pushing your shoulder with a smile.  ** _“So the girls of Kattegat are now deaf and blind?”_** you kept mocking on him, making him laugh even louder, laughing with him for a while before you two stop, looking to each other again.

 ** _“It is good to have you back, sister”,_**  he says. And you held him in a hug that reminded you how sweet he used to be, hiding in your arms in which he doesn’t fit anymore, but still tried to hide, hugging you back.

 ** _“It’s good to be back, brother. Here… I brought you a present too”,_**  you remembered, reaching your bag, picking his present inside.  ** _“I know how much you love the oud so I thought about these for you”_** , you said, giving him a little leather bag, similar to the other that contained Ubbe’s beads. The same metallic sound when he took it from your hands, opening it to find a set of rings with metal tips, proper to play string instruments.  ** _“The seller told me they are proper to play strings separately, so you can easily pull the strings one by one, making that sounds you used to like. These rings are the trick of the minstrels that you were crazy to discover when we were younger”._**

He was looking at your present fascinated, wearing the rings and looking at them on his hand with a huge smile on his face.

 ** _“Thank you, (Y/N)! I was thinking about where I could find some of these for my last composition! You saved my life!”_**  he said, hugging you again, tight.  ** _“Come. The others are in the Great Hall, we’re waiting for you for dinner and now I can play my last song for you tonight.”_**

He seems to be pretty satisfied with your present. Before following him, you searched for your bag once more, taking three more gifts with you. One for Björn and the other two you intended to give to Ivar, as soon as you could get some time alone with him.

With the bags settled to your belt, you followed Sigurd to the Great Hall, playing and joking with him all the way through. You were still laughing when you took your seat at the table. But your laughs just ended when Ivar’s voice had risen, sounding sore and angry.  ** _“This is not a playground and we aren’t here just to feast and celebrate. Our father is dead Sigurd, so is our mother. We should at least pretend some sorrow even if you’re not feeling anything.”_**

 ** _“You don’t mind Ivar, (Y/N), he’s just being bitter as always.”_**  Sigurd countered with debauchery so present in his words as poison on snake’s teeth.  ** _“The only difference is that he now found a reason to spread his bitterness.”_**

You looked from one to another while you were giving Björn’s gift - a little dagger with some precious stones on it - in his hands. Were your brothers really fighting that stupid way again?

 ** _“Shut your mouth, you bastard! She was your mother!”_**  Ivar complained, his frown and fierce blue eyes giving him a savage look.

 ** _“She never cared about me, Ivar. She only had eyes to you and Harbard and never looked or cared about me. Why should I care now? If I’m sad, it is because of father’s death, so I have a lot to celebrate tonight: look how many men are here to avenge his death! We’ll have the greater army ever formed. If this is not enough for feast and celebration,  I don’t know what is”_**  Sigurd countered again, almost sarcastic.

And you could see, sadly, how your beloved brothers had really drowned themselves in senseless fights, hurting each other for nothing.

Ubbe was looking from one to another, almost fearing they might kill each other. Björn rolling his eyes on the orbits, seeming bored of the infantilism between them both.

Hvitserk was the only one looking at you, seeming concerned about you in the middle of your brothers again, like when you were young and you used to prevent them from fighting each other. He was looking straight in your eyes, clearly trying to transmit some comfort, make you feel better even though your heart was drowning in guilt. More and more you believe you should have stayed instead of traveling the world trying to prove something to people you shouldn’t care about.

You left your brothers behind, your companions, your sweet ones. And now look at them, fighting for nothing. Ivar was looking at Sigurd with so much anger in his eyes that you could understand Ubbe’s fear.

 ** _“Then what kind of a son are you, uh?”_**  Ivar continued, facing an ironic glance coming from Sigurd in answer to his angry eyes.  ** _“What does it matter what your mother did to you? She was still your mother.”_**

 ** _“You would say that, wouldn’t you?”_**  Sigurd teased and then your eyes lost Hvitserk’s, both of you looking to your little brothers.

 ** _“What does that mean?”_**  Ivar questioned and Sigurd answered him even more sarcastic and provocative  ** _“What do you think it means?”_**

 ** _“You tell me.”_**  Ivar’s voice sounded angrier, but you wouldn’t expect what was coming next.

Sigurd just smirked, completely ungracious, barely seeming to be the man who was smiling and joking with you a few minutes ago. You could feel his teasing mood from miles away. And his voice sounded so sharp, as a blade, biting your heart the same time it seemed to be biting Ivar’s short patience.  ** _“All right, I will, Mommy’s boy. Mommy’s little favorite! Are you just really sad she can’t breastfeed you anymore, is that it?”_**

Any signs of self-control just vanished from Ivar’s face. He frowned immediately, and you saw with despair his hand reaching for the ax. Without even thinking you rose from the chair, putting your own hand between Ivar’s ax and Sigurd’s neck, holding the weapon by its blade, cutting your own fingers on the process. Sigurd’s breath had stopped just like the music and all the sound around the three of you.

A few drops of blood fell from your hand to the table and Ivar’s eyes changed again… This time with a surprised look and then, to disappointment. He let go the ax, crawling away from the table without a word. You followed him with your eyes ‘till he left the Great Hall’s doors, to the streets of Kattegat.

Sigurd’s eyes were wide opened, his blue orbs focused on the ax in your hands, seeming scared to the death you just prevented.

 ** _“Your hand…”_**  Hvitserk just started when you hit the ax against the table, waking Sigurd up from his trance with the metallic blow that echoed through the room, catching his eyes with yours.  ** _“I can’t believe what I’ve just seen here. You two just haven’t grown up! I’m still leading with two little-spoiled boys who tease each other to the limits and beyond! The only difference is that now you’re not using wooden swords anymore!”_**  you showed your bloody fingers to him, seeing his expression change from worried to regret.  ** _“Stop teasing Ivar, Sigurd! You might not be sorry about your mother’s death, but she was everything to him and he lost two of the most important people in his life, so stop being so mean and cruel with him! And don’t you dare think I won’t talk to him about this!”_**  you said even before he breathed to inquire you about Ivar’s reaction.  ** _“This is madness, Sigurd! You could be dead now and so what? I would have to bury three of my family members and deal with another loss?”_**

He lowered his head.  ** _"I’m sorry…”,_**  his voice sounded low and regretful.

 ** _“You better be.”_**  You answered, looking for a concerned Hvitserk and waving positively to calm him before leaving the Great hall and going after Ivar. You knew where he was going: The hills over the town. That ones from where you could see every single house on Kattegat and the beautiful bay down there, calm, like nothing was happening around it.

You found him sitting there over a stone, looking down to the bay silently. Your fingers were still dripping small red drops when you sat beside him, saying nothing for a long moment.

 ** _“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone…”_**  his voice finally spoke and you raised your head to hear him, looking into his eyes as he was talking, even though he wasn’t looking back at you. He was staring at the ground and the bay down there, clearly trying not to cry.  ** _“…but Sigurd.”_**  he finished, earning a grunt from your mouth.

**_“Stop it, Ivar.”_ **

**_“He was teasing me! Playing with my mother’s death!”_**  he countered, so deeply hurt, so clearly defensive. But his anger finds nothing but comprehension and kindness in your eyes. And it disarmed him immediately, causing him to look away from you again, trying not to feel so vulnerable, so open to you.

**_“I know you’re angry, Grumpy. But you cannot kill your own brother just because you’re angry with him. Sigurd, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Björn… They’re the only family we have now. It must be different from what we wanted it to be, but it’s all we have… We must take care of ourselves and be together or the enemies of your father will tear us apart completely.”_ **

He turned his head to you, looking into your eyes. And his hands took yours between his fingers. He touched your bloody fingers with his own and used his sleeve to clean your hand, checking the cut, seeing it was not that deep.

 ** _“I’m sorry for this.”_**  he said, and you used your good hand to caress his face.

 ** _“You still have the same bad temper I remember.”_** you said softly, seeing as he bowed his lips with a shy and small smile.  ** _“Come on, Grumpy, you can do better than that.”_**

But he just looked at you, serious. You giggled, lowering your head. And got on your belt the two leather bags you had for him.  ** _“Here”_** , you started, opening the first one  ** _“I know you hurt your hands crawling away on the ground so I asked a woman to make this for you. They are more resistant so they won’t  tear or let your hands get hurt.”_**

He accepted the pair of gloves you took from the bag, taking his own off, wearing the new ones. It fit perfectly in his hands and he squeezed the fists, smiling to the sound of the leather on his hands.

 ** _“They’re comfortable”_**  he said, smiling at you a little more open than before  ** _“Nice choice”._**

You knew it was his way to say “thanks”. So you smiled at him, picking up the other little leather bag in your hands. Your face grew sad as you looked to the small bag, opening the present that was supposed to be delivered to your queen Aslaug. A beautiful and delicate necklace made of gold with a small pendant. A stone sculpted in the form of a tear, the same color as Ivar’s eyes.

 ** _“It was my mother’s gift.”_**  he mumbled, and you saw him, looking at the necklace on your hands, his fingers touching the pendant.  ** _“She would have loved it”._**

 ** _“It has your eye color. I thought she…”,_**  you sigh, cutting the sentence in the middle. The sound of the leather echoed again, warning you Ivar’s hands had become fisted.

You turned your head to him, seeing his eyes fierce once again. His face tense, his teeth clenched against each other before he punched the ground, grunting furiously. But you just got up, opening the necklace on your hands and gently putting it on his neck, closing it in his nape with a sweet caress from your fingers.

He looked at you without a clue of what you were doing, but you just smiled.

 ** _“I thought she would like to carry you always with her.”_**  you said, looking into his eyes  ** _“Now you can have her always with you, Ivar.”._**

Your eyes were teary. And he touched the pendant in his neck before looking at you again.

You sat beside him once again, but this time, he silently laid his head on your legs. And the two of you remained silent, your fingers caressing his hair.

His fingers caressing the pendant…  _Tenderly._


	5. Meeting With the Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING!

That night you went back home a little late. Ivar fell asleep on your lap, so you let him sleep a little, while you were thinking about Hvitserk and Ubbe’s propose. But when the sun went down you knew you had to awake your little brother: his legs couldn’t handle a cold weather for so long, his eyes were quite blue and he was using only a cloak over his shoulders so it would be better for you to go back home.

Ivar was quite sleepy when you two got home, but yet you followed him to his room, helping him with the furs for the cold night.

 ** _“Ivar, if you need anything…”_**  you would’ve said he could call you, but he smiled under the furs ** _. “I know”,_**  he said, trustful.  ** _“I can call you, sister_** ”.

 ** _“Good night, Grumpy.”,_**  you said, kissing his forehead before checking if his fireplace was well stocked with wood for the night. And before leaving you yet saw his fingers holding the little tear pendant you gave to him as he slowly fell asleep again.

When you just left the room, a familiar voice scared you for a little second before you recognize his figure on the shadows of the corridor.

**_“How’s your hand?”_ **

**_“Hvitserk…”_**  you said, panting a little while he was coming toward you.  ** _“Better. It was nothing but a scratch"_**  you tried to calm him down and he took your wounded hand into his own, looking at the cut on your palm and fingers. Indeed, it was nothing too deep that needed concernment, but yet he seemed to be concerned, taking the back of your hand up to his lips, kissing your fingers softly.

 ** _“You shouldn’t have done this. Ivar could’ve hurt you deeper”_**  he said, still caressing your hand. His so deep blue eyes were swinging between your face and your hand and when he looked into your eyes again, you turned your hand to his face. Your fingertips start touching his face, slowly drawing his bone structure, sliding through his skin. He laid his head to your hand, closing his eyes to feel the caress you kept running through his skin, going slowly to his jaw, then his neck, causing him little shivers and a cocky smile.  ** _“You’re thinking about…”_**  he has started but that sentence never found an end in his lips. You covered them with yours in a soft and warm kiss, feeling his tongue fill your mouth again, killing the thirst in your mouth for some more of that sweetness in his.

He walked toward you, holding your body next to him. His hands divided, one of them on your nape, caressing your hair and pulling your head closer so he could deepen the kiss he was so gladly receiving. The other was on your waist, pulling your body next to his, involving you in his heat.

You could hear the wet sounds of your mouths together, or feel the way his tongue was now exploring your mouth, slowly savoring each inch of you he could touch. The way he was holding your body on such strong fingers and hands, you could say Hvitserk might claim you his right there where you two were, in front of Ivar’s door, without any problems.

But a growling voice reaches both of you, causing Hvitserk to part his lips from yours slowly, without put away his body from yours. Your breaths crossing each other as his blue eyes were staring your (y/c/e) orbs.  ** _“It seems your answer is yes…”_** Ubbe mumbles from the hall, leaning against the wall, arms crossed. He was looking at you and Hvitserk as you two were kissing each other. In his lips a smile quite satisfied.

You didn’t answer his words. Instead of it you slowly leave Hvitserk’s warm body, walking toward Ubbe, seeing when his eyes become clear, his body straightening away from the wall’s support, his head leaning down so he could look right into your eyes. Silently you touched his face, holding it in your hands before laying your lips on his, giving him a passionate kiss, a little bit more tempered in desire than Hvitserk had received.

His hands grabbed your hips, pulling your body against his as he tilted you softly behind, deepening the kiss you two were switching in a delicious expression of the desire you could feel in his virility, hard enough inside his pants for you to feel it through his clothes when he squeezed your hips against his.

You felt Hvitserk’s hand sliding through your back and Ubbe parted the kiss staring your eyes with those savage blues… They seemed to be so different… You could see all the desire in Ubbe’s eyes, his hands were heavier, his touches burning your body.

Hvitserk, otherwise, was soft and gentle… His tenderness and care making you believe that he was a deliciously patient lover who would devour your smallest details into hands, mouth, sweat, and heat.

 ** _“Come, (Y/N).”_**  Hvitserk invited, his hand extended toward you.  ** _“Come with us”_**  he smiled.

You knew something was sounding wrong in doing what you were pretending. But you accepted Hvitserk’s hand, following with Ubbe just behind you, hunting your movements as a wolf staring his prey. They took you to Ubbe’s room, in which the fireplace was already alight, heating the ambient. Ubbe seemed hungrier for your taste: he left the door open behind him, catching your lips on a hard kiss as soon as you entered the room. Hvitserk giggled, locking the door as Ubbe ran your entire body with his hands, landing them on your thighs, pulling your dress up until he could touch your skin, squeezing slowly and grunting against your lips, seeming to be in pleasure for having your skin in his hands finally.

Slower, Hvitserk’s hands landed on your hips, sliding through the sides of your body when he came closer, breathing on your hair, feeling your smell with closed eyes. His hands continued, exploring your shoulders, taking the hair out of his way to your neck and nape, where he landed his lips in sweet and warm kisses, shivering your entire body, causing you to moan against Ubbe’s lips.

He groaned excited, and Hvitserk giggled against your neck.

**_“You really turn Ubbe on, (Y/N). So as you do with me. Can you feel how much you made us fools for you? Can you feel how much we want you?”_ **

His voice whispered in your ears like a serpent lisping a bite to come. His hands still sliding through your body while Ubbe’s, most desirous, were entering your dresses passages, exploring your skin directly.

 ** _“Let’s take it out…It warm inside this room, don’t you think, (Y/N)? Oh, I’m hot and thirsty… Are you thirsty, Ubbe?”_**  Hvitserk questioned while undoing the knots of your dress closure and Ubbe smirked against your mouth.  ** _“Not for long, brother… Not for long”._**

He put his body back just enough for Hvitserk slide your dress away to your skin. Ubbe undressing from his shirt as Hvitserk’s hands now was running your nude back, pushing the cloth away from your surrendered skin, touching it on his soft fingertips before laying his lips on your skin again making a deliciously wet trail from your lower back up to your nape.

The younger one kept his mouth running your skin, tricking your senses while the older one was lowering his body in front of yours, taking your dress with his hands through your legs until it laid lost on the ground. So Ubbe could focus his mouth on exploring your legs in kisses, lifting one of them to continue a wet trail of kisses towards your intimacy.

Your body tilted back to Hvitserk’s supportive hug and he hid his face on your neck, kissing a small trail to your ear where he continued, whispering, making your thoughts confuse.  ** _“Oh, I’m jealous, (Y/N)… My brother will prove you before me.”_**  You just breathed to answer him, telling you would belong to both equally, when Ubbe sank his face against your intimacy, licking and kissing really thirsty as he said he was. And your answer got lost in a loud moan to Hvitserk’s ears, causing him to frown on a delicious expression, holding your body in his arms when you lost the strength on your legs.

 ** _“She’s so warm and wet, Hvitserk, so sweet …”_**  Ubbe growled between your legs, holding your hips tight on a hug that was practically preventing you to move away from his savage tongue, exploring your body, sucking your clit between his lips on wet kisses that were making you insane! But not even that intense heat was capable of making you let pass the warm sensation of Hvitserk’s arms, holding and supporting your body when the pleasure was torturing you to weakness.

 ** _“I can barely wait to prove…”_**  Hvitserk whispered his answer to his brother on your ears, his blue eyes so dark in desire. He turned your face to him when the pleasure was coming too hard for you to handle. And when Ubbe focused himself on your clit, drowning your body in waves of pleasure, Hvitserk kissed you one more time, making you come silently to his brother’s lips as yours were hidden on his, in a passionate kiss that swallowed your moans for Ubbe’s mercy.

Your body almost collapsed in his arms. Hvitserk was smiling when you parted your lips from each other, your body panting, begging for the air Ubbe had dragged away from the room.  ** _“You’re stealing my moans, Hvitserk”_** , Ubbe complained as Hvitserk softly held your body in his arms, taking you to the bed.  ** _“You stole her first orgasm from my lips, so I think we’re even brother”_**  he returned, smiling almost deviously.

Ubbe licking his own lips, tasting your savor in his beard like he was teasing his younger brother about your pleasure he stole from him.

You caught yourself looking from one to another. Ubbe was so fucking sexy with that savage predator ways… But Hvitserk was on disadvantage: you were already naked. Ubbe had only his pants he was starting to remove. Your sweet puppy was there, smiling at you, still dressed.  So you lifted yourself on the bed. Your arms went around Hvitserk’s neck causing his eyebrow to lift on a surprised expression.

Ubbe’s glance was captured for your movements, slowly leaning your body to Hvitserk’s, kissing his soft and sweet mouth while undressing him. Your hands started invading his clothes, scratching his skin with your nails. You could notice the way he deepened the kiss on your mouth when your fingers went down to his abdomen, invading his pants, touching his virility, caressing him, giving to him something Ubbe didn’t have yet, stroking his member with your hand. Your mouth started moaning against the kiss the satisfaction to find him so ready to you, so hard and excited.

The older grunted, pretending dissatisfaction, as the younger moaned laying on your hand, caressing your face with his fingers, even harder on yours. But you extended your free hand towards Ubbe, almost inviting him to come to you… To claim the same caresses his brother were enjoying so well.

 ** _“Come.”_** , you said.

He smiled coming and lying next to you. And Hvitserk opened his eyes, lying down on your other side. Your hand reached Ubbe’s erection and you listened to him, grunting in pleasure as you stroke him the same way your other hand was doing to his brother.

You left them both after a while just to turn your body on the bed, putting yourself on your knees so you could reach them as you wanted. Ubbe and Hvitserk straightened their bodies on the bed waiting for your actions. You smirked at Ubbe: you had understood their little game and the score was better to him, so Hvitserk was your target this time.

You turned your eyes to the younger one, rolling your tongue between your lips. The corner of his lips curved upward when he got your intentions, his eyes turning into the deeper dark blue when you crawled over his hips, licking his erection before swallowing it completely, causing him to moan loud, squeezing the sheets under his hands.

His jaw dropped a little opening his mouth. And he panted in pleasure before smile to a growling Ubbe beside you two.  ** _“You… were right… brother”_** , his sentence parted as you moved your mouth up and down through his hard cock, feeling him start to throb inside your lips,  ** _“Oh she is so warm!”_**  he teased, moaning again when you sucked him harder just to take his breath away.

Ubbe was stroking himself, looking at you, burning in desire as you sucked Hvitserk like a hungry animal, searching for his climax that he did not deny to you, coming fully into your mouth, caressing your nape with his fingers as you sucked everything to your mouth.

Ubbe grunted again, pulling your body to his as Hvitserk laid in the bed, defeated for the moment, panting and smiling with eyes closed. To Ubbe’s eyes, you just smirked, licking your lips with the taste of his brother, letting him know that you liked it. His blue eyes wide open looking at you when he smiled, his hands on your hips, pulling you over him. You followed his motions, giving him what he wanted, mounting on his hips, starting to rub your body on his in a delicious simulation of what both of you wanted so hard. Your mouth opened in small moans and he raised his head, kissing your lips, biting your lower one, changing his hips pace under yours, trying to get inside your body. But you smiled at him, almost a savage smile, with one of your hands pushing him against the bed, instantly stopping his movements. Your eyes right inside each other.  ** _“You want to get in, Ubbe?”_**  you questioned, hearing his giggle before he said a low  ** _“Yes”_**  almost growled. So you moved your hips against his again, slowly teasing him with the wet and warm sensation of his cock hidden between your folds.  ** _“I did not hear you, Wolf… Do you want to get inside my wet… Warm… Tight body?”_**  you teased, catching Hvitserk’s attention by your side, as you moved your hips against Ubbe’s, pushing once to each word you said about your body, making him clench his teeth against each other, this time, speaking loud and clear…

 ** _“Yes… I want my hard cock inside your warm, wet and tight body, (Y/N). And I want to fuck you as hard as I can until you burn in pleasure over me. I want to see you moaning and coming to me, so stop making us wait!”_** ****He complained. ****

You laughed at his impatient tone, sliding down one of your hands through his body until you hold his hard member in your fingers, feeling him wet of your juices, straightening him before starting to pull your body down over his cock.

 ** _“Oh, gods…”_**  he moaned, squeezing your hips in his fingers so strong that you would surely have the marks tomorrow morning. His head was lying back to the sheets, his mouth slightly open, with a beautiful pleasure expression that made Hvitserk giggle beside you two.

 ** _“Is she so tight this way, brother? You can barely breathe, Ubbe! I bet you’ll come faster than Thor’s thunders…”_**  He teased, but Ubbe smiled back, panting before turn his eyes to Hvitserk, speaking  ** _“I might come… faster than Thor’s thunder… but I’m inside of her, Hvitserk… Can you see? She is clenching me while you’re just looking”_**  he teased back giggling. A laugh you just cut starting to move your hips against his, causing him to moan to you each time your hips beat against his.

You twisted your hips on specific motions and Ubbe finally realized what you were doing, smiling cockily as his erection got even harder inside your body.  ** _“She’s making herself come to me, Hvitserk!”_** he said, and you smiled, increasing the pace. You were so close and he just started to throb against your walls, making even easier for you to come on his virility, moaning loud and watering his body inside of yours, turning his movements faster before he grunted, coming inside of you, sighing long, satisfied. But you weren’t there yet. You were panting, your breasts coming up and down when you looked into Hvitserk’s eyes. Your body still mounted on a defeated Ubbe, making you look like a Valkyrie who just has beat a warrior and is already devouring the other with her eyes.

You went away Ubbe’s body, crawling over Hvitserk like a feline. His body lying down as you were coming over him. His eyes looking at you impressed.

 ** _“(Y/N)?”_**  he called, almost not recognizing you, so desirous, (y/c/e) so dark now. But you ignored his surprised expression, kissing his mouth slowly and deeper, sucking his tongue to your mouth before slide your body through his, just slipping his cock inside your opening as he grabbed your arms, searching for support to the sudden and unexpected pleasure, moaning against the kiss without parting it.

Ubbe giggled, still panting, looking at you two and laughing at Hvitserk’s reaction to your body moving over his. His fingers had squeezed your arms, trying to get some control over the pace you were imposing him. But you just increased it, the wood of the bed making noises as you tested Hvitserk resistance under your body. He wanted to tease Ubbe’s performance, so it was his time to prove himself and he was going very well, hard striking his hips against yours, taking your pace to a new level when he just took control of the situation, rolling you two over the bed and coming up on top of you.

He sighed looking straight into your eyes as his hands were gripping yours against the bed, holding your body under his, locked as the savage animal you were… But you could see… His eyes on dark blue… And you could feel you weren’t the only savage animal at that room when he just started his pace inside your body, striking the wooden headboard of the bed on the wall same time his hips were striking against yours. He sobbed the effort on a small grunt, keeping the pace, increasing it when your body clenched his telling him you were about to come again. His eyes never leaving yours on a delicious challenge that you loved to lose, coming to him completely surrendered to his strength and heat.  ** _“Hvitserk!”_**  you moaned, as your body was still spasming under his. But he didn’t stop, getting three more moaning of his name in your lips before he came inside your body, growling wildly over your face, like a male lion who just beat the female, putting her under his control.

He laid his forehead on your shoulder, heavy breathing. And you smiled while Ubbe got up to get a cup of mead to himself. But when Hvitserk mentioned leave, you held his body against yours, causing him to look at your eyes.

 ** _“(Y/N)?”_**  he asked, looking at you with an interrogative tone in his eyes. But you just caressed his face, turning his look into something almost passionate when he smiled at you again, leaning his head toward yours and kissing your lips softly and sweetly again, like the first kiss you two have traded.  His tasty lips were sliding through yours slowly, his tongue exploring your mouth. Your hands tracing lines on his back, shivering his skin, making him slowly get hard inside of you again. But this time you said nothing… And without a single word he held your body against his, starting to move his hips against yours, but slowly and deeper this time. You felt each one of his movements, holding his skin against yours, feeling the sweat mixing into your bodies as he increased the pace. His eyes staring at yours, searching for the meaning of all that passion on your movements as you pushed your hips against his strikes, moaning low to his ears like there was only the two of you on that room. Soon he was closer to the edge again. But you didn’t make any mentions to stop, moving under his body almost begging for more. So he changed your positions, pulling you with the strength of his arms only, sitting on the bed with your body sat on his lap. One of his hands pulling your hip against his as the other was holding your nape and your hair, squeezed between his fingers. His eyes right on yours.

You were feeling more than your body getting warm. Those eyes… Those beautiful blue eyes you loved so badly when you were younger… So beautifully surrendered for your pleasure now. Ubbe must have been your favorite when you were younger, but Hvitserk always had a special place in your heart that now you could feel skipping a beat, so close to the climax again.

You leaned your forehead against his. Both of your hands holding his face as you followed his hands’ commands, rolling your hip against his until you two came together. Your moan lost between his open lips and he looked at you again, seeming to understand nothing of how such a sexual thing had become something so passionate and deep. But you just smiled, kissing him slowly again.

Ubbe giggled, drinking his mead with a smile.  ** _“It seems I’ve lost.”_**  he said with a playful tone in his voice. And you looked at him reading in his eyes that he had already understood what Hvitserk’s eyes were still questioning.

_You have really fallen for that sweet taste…_


	6. Heathen War

The sound of the water was taking you far away from your thoughts. The men were bringing the boats near to the margins, some of them helping to raise the camp. You heard the characteristic sound of Ivar’s crawling before he came, sitting next to you, but your eyes were still down the river, looking to the lands forward…

 ** _“Thinking too much, sister”_**  he said, trying to catch your attention, but your eyes kept looking away, so he tried to tease you in order to make you look down on him  **“ _You don’t need to be afraid, he won’t die so soon”_**.

 ** _“Who are you talking about, Ivar?_** ” you asked, but he just smirked, looking at you with those blues so intense eyes, reading your soul like an opened book  ** _“Did you think I wasn’t going to see? Hvitserk doesn’t stop looking at you. And you seem to be far away since you two slept together that night… With Ubbe.”_**

For a second you saw yourself naked in front of his eyes. It is just like everybody knows what you did and for just one second you felt exposed and judged. But before you could say anything, Ivar kept talking, dismissing the terrible sensation from your dry throat.

 ** _“It doesn’t matter, I meant, the three of you are grown up men and woman. But you’re not trying to hide, neither is Hvitserk. I can see clearly that you two like each other. Why don’t you stay together?_** ” He asks, looking at you with interrogative blue orbs.

Ivar was right: why don’t you just tell him how you feel? Why have you never tried to talk with Hvitserk again since you two slept together? You just kept looking at each other from a secure distance like both of you were afraid of what you figured out that night, neither of you trying to take the first step ahead. Maybe fear of the unknown. Maybe fear of each other. You couldn’t say exactly, but one thing you were certain: You didn’t want to discuss it with Ivar, for sure. So when he looked at you, you saw the perfect opportunity to change the subject: his eyes were too blue this morning… So you poked his shoulders softly, warning about the situation, trying to get yourself out of the focus:  ** _“You shouldn’t be crawling around, Ivar. Your eyes are pretty blue this morning, brother. Let’s put yourself in a safer place”_**

 ** _“No way!”_**  he grunted annoyed and you got what you wanted  ** _“I will not stay out of father’s avenge!”_**  the subject wasn’t you anymore. Even then, it was dangerous to let Ivar unguarded on a day so critic and maybe he would be pissed, but you would want to be with him at the chariot, just to be sure nobody would try to hurt your little brother.

 ** _“Why is the crippled pig already grunting?”_**  Ubbe arrives, mirroring your godfather’s way to talk about his sons, giving you a nostalgic sensation that made you smile.

Instead of you, Ivar doesn’t seem to be happy about seeing Ubbe, he looks away, surely trying to avoid Ubbe’s glance.

 ** _“I’m telling him to be careful because his eyes are pretty blue today”._** You say, causing Ivar to grunt annoyed again as Ubbe picked up his jaw, turning his face to him  ** _“Let me see it”_** he said looking into Ivar’s fierce eyes, concerned and confirming what you said  ** _“(Y/N) is right, Ivar. Is better if you…”_**

He doesn’t even have the time to finish his sentence before Ivar growls furiously  ** _“No! I’ll go with you! Period!”_** he demands, despite Ubbe’s eyes heavy over him.  ** _“It is my father’s vengeance, Ubbe! What kind of a son will I be if I stay at the camp? Huh? I will not let this damn condition take it away from me!”_**

You saw there the right spot to talk about your idea in a way Ivar wouldn’t refuse. So you didn’t lose your cue:  ** _“I’ll go with you, brother. You can take me in your chariot, so I’ll prevent anyone from hurting you and you will give me a ride in exchange. What do you think?_** ”

Ubbe seemed to understand your intentions and smiled  ** _“Better than stay home, Ivar.”_** He says, encouraging him to accept  ** _“Com’on little brother, be gentle with (Y/N) and take her to the best spot on the battlefield with you”_**.

He wasn’t satisfied with not going by himself, but the way you were talking, he ended up accepting.  ** _“Right, right… but do not get used to it! I like to ride by myself”_**  he mumbled and you caressed his head, kissing his forehead and smiling to Ubbe.

You knew your brother was just bothered by being so fragile in a day he was trying to prove himself as a man worthy of his father. But you could help him do it, and anyway, you didn’t intend to stay over his chariot the entire time: you were there for the same reason your brothers were and you all shared the same wish. The wish to drown your sword in the Saxons’ blood.

And it was so good…

Damn gods, it was so good to drown the Saxons’ in their own blood.

The first army felt like flies to your strength. King Aella underestimated the Heathen’s power and now you were there, running after Ivar’s chariot, seeing as Björn held the murderer of your godfather in his hands.

The king was about to pass out when the Old Norse so clear echoed in Björn’s voice, demanding him to tell you where his father died.

But the floor just became jelly and it was impossible for you to walk to that hole in the ground that all your brothers were surrounding, looking inside with anger and sorrow in their faces. You never saw Ivar so sad… And even Sigurd was silent, holding the damn King under the yoke of his ax.

You didn’t have enough strength to go there and look down to your godfather’s death place. You asked mutely for forgiveness as your eyes were teary.. But you were proud of your brothers. They were there, whole, holding the damn enemy of their father as Floki was preaching him to the altar. You saw Björn put the dagger you gave him into the fire and then raise the incandescent blade for you to see… It wasn’t your intention that blade was used to avenge your godfather’s death, but you were satisfied on listening Aella’s screams under your gift Björn was using so precisely.

Your eyes were riding over your brothers’ expressions… All of them with so much pain in their eyes, so much anger…

And so much satisfaction at Ivar’s almost horny expression. So much pleasure on Ubbe’s bloody smile… Admiration on Sigurd’s face.

Vengeance on Björn’s eyes…

Since you two slept together, that was the first time you saw Hvitserk smiling, so open and so satisfied… His eyes crossed with yours and instead of what you were thinking, he didn’t stop smiling.

He nodded his head on a thankful smile to you, like he was thanking you for helping them achieve this moment. It was impossible to deny him a smile back. The confidence was still there. To stay so intimately with him did not broke what you were to each other. And you were relieved. He was still your Puppy after all.

But you two had no time to talk. With the dawn, and the blood eagle finished, Ivar and Björn started to discuss the next strategy. You kept yourself away from the discussion once the ambient around them was more and more uncomfortable. You were watching from the outside as your brothers began to turn on one another. They were all becoming each other’s enemy.

Like Floki, you were only listening to Björn and Ivar’s arguing, as they had to decide who the true heir of your godfather was. Almost completely forgetting of the true reason they were talking on first place: the upcoming battle.

 ** _“I understand it must be hard for you to accept that_** **_the true heir_   _to the great_   _Ragnar Lothbrok_   _should turn out to be a_   _cripple and a reject”_  **Ivar said, finally ending up with the little patience in Björn’s eyes.

But before he, or even you, could say a thing, Floki’s voice shut all Ragnar’s sons mouths.

 ** _“_** ** _So this is what the grunting of the little pigs was all about.”_** He joked ironically, cooling down the burst of anger that was in all their blue eyes.

 ** _“What the fuck is happening between you?”_**  you finally said something, catching all those blue eyes on your face.  ** _“I thought we had come here to fight Saxons, not each other. Björn you may be the skilled one here, but you are all the sons of Ragnar. All of you are needed. You might think he is a child but it was Ivar who my godfather chose to go with him and who he trusted to bring back his lasts words to you. As you can see…”_** you take Ivar’s hand in yours, pulling it up, showing Ragnar’s bracelet in his wrist  ** _“Your father recognized him as a man, so stop treating him like a disposable brat. He is your brother and as much of a son of your father as you are.”_** You dared to teach something to an indifferent Björn, looking at you like you were just a little child talking, with lips moving but no sound coming to him.

Even then, you kept talking. This time, for Sigurd…

 ** _“That damn ‘comfortable bloody chariot’ Ivar is in”_**  you said, mimicking his words, catching his attention  ** _“It is not a toy or a comfort. He cannot walk, Sigurd. Each one of us here can just go there and sink our blades at the Saxons’ chest. What do you want Ivar to do, uh? Crawl at the battlefield? Even if he can do it and pull the Saxons down to his territory to defeat them as he used to do with you, since I can remember”_** you tease **,** causing him to frown looking at you  ** _“this is still a battlefield and he could be seriously injured. That chariot is protecting your brother’s life, but if you want to, we can ask Floki to do one for you as well. Or do you want one of us to break your damn spine so you can crawl around like Ivar does and have everything your brother has like you use to say?”_**

He remains silent, seeming to be hurt with your words. But you knew it was the time to be harsh with all of them. So you went to Ivar, once he started to smile since your speech had begun.

**_“Oh don’t think I’ll not talking to you too, little brother. Each and every one of the men sitting in here now is an heir of Ragnar Lothbrok! You must have the privilege of being in his last moments and hearing his last words, but you are all equals! So stop treating your brothers like you were special, Ivar, cause you are not and we both know that! Björn must learn how to respect you, as you must learn to respect his experience. Stop treating everyone like you were the only  son of Ragnar here because you are not!”_ **

His smile just vanished completely.

Ubbe is about to thank you when you turn yourself to him.

 ** _“Don’t.”_**  you say, looking at his face seriously  ** _“I’m not their big brother, Ubbe. Stop leaning on Björn’s backs like he was the only one capable of dealing with your family! You must be tired of trying to deal with your little brothers, but guess what? They are family. It will never end and they’ll be always your little brothers, so stop running away from who you are and pick up your position! You’re Ivar’s big brother. Sigurd’s big brother. Even Hvitserk’s big brother and you are the one they know since Björn is away almost all the time and is too old to be part of this brotherhood as more than a shadow of your father. You are the big brother here, Ubbe, so take the damn charge and deal with your brothers!”_**

His jaw remains open, as he was going to say something that just got lost in the air.

 ** _“And to Hvitserk, of course, nothing, once he’s your favorite”_**  Ivar said, ungraciously teasing you, trying to give back the dissatisfaction he was feeling. But you just look at him and then at Hvitserk, talking to Ivar even you were looking into other blue eyes  ** _“To him nothing cause I have nothing to say to him at all, Ivar. As soon as he stops acting like a damn parrot, nodding his head to everything that is said, gets his own position and steps with his own legs, maybe I can have something to say to him as I had to all of you. There is nothing to say to Hvitserk ‘cause there are no steps to judge.”_**  You said, surprising Ivar who wasn’t expecting something so harsh to Hvitserk.  ** _“Walk for yourself, Hvitserk. Make your own way. As long as you walk into Ubbe and Björn’s shadows that is all you’ll be: a shadow. And shadows fade as soon as the light comes. Do you want to fade, brother?”_**

He looked at you completely surprised, but, unlike his brothers, he walked after you when you left, following you to your tent, holding your shoulder and turning you to him. His expression annoyed by what you said.

 ** _“Why you were so gross with me, (Y/N)? I did nothing!”_** he said, but his words just made you even more pissed off.

 ** _“And that’s just your problem, Hvitserk! You do nothing. You just stand in your brothers’ shadows, doing absolutely nothing for yourself! Stand for what you want! Go after your dreams or goals, Hvitserk! Do something for yourself! Stop being…”_** ****He cut your speech by pulling you against his body, and kissed your mouth deeply, intense enough to erase the thoughts from your mind.

Your voice was even lower when you tried to talk against his mouth. His hands on your waist, holding you next to his body while you could feel the warmth of his breath crossing yours, so close…  ** _“What are you doing, Hvitserk?”_** ****

He started to walk, taking you to your furs, leaning your body on them. His body over yours, so warm… His acts so decided…

 ** _“I’m doing something for me, (Y/N). I’m doing what you told me to do… Go after my goals… Stand for what I want…”_** His eyes were clear and so bright when he looked straight to yours “ ** _And I want you, (Y/N).”_**

Before you could answer, over again, he covered your mouth with his own. This time, a deeper kiss took your breath almost completely. His body over yours, making everything hotter than your body could handle… His hands undressing you faster than your brain could process what was going on.

 ** _“Hvitserk…”_**  your voice got lost in the air while his lips were tracing a wet trail of kisses in your neck, causing shivers to roll over your entire body. His hands running your body through your opened clothes, touching every single inch of your skin, burning you one touch at the time.

You thought about stopping him. Maybe talk about you two and what he was doing. But he laid his lips in kisses on your belly and every thought just vanished again as you started to tremble under his touches.

 ** _“Hvits… Hvitserk!”_**  His lips kissed your thighs and you just saw the way he was going, but he wasn’t leaned into letting you think or talk anything. He just kissed your cunt like kissing your mouth,  _hungrily._ Your voice filled the tent and you stopped the fight. He had won… You were his. You wanted to be his. That was all you wanted and your fingers sank between the braids in his head, pulling him toward you, receiving even more efforts from him as soon as he realized you were surrendered.  ** _“Fuck… Hvitserk… Just like that!”_**

To come into his mouth was the easiest orgasm you have ever had. But he didn’t stop at the first time. He wanted you and he had… Gods… He had as much as he wanted from your moans and your taste. So much that you lay exhausted over the furs when he raised his body over yours once again, panting. Your eyes looking at him surprised, to find a passionate look in his beautiful blues.

 ** _“I want you, (Y/N). I want you to be mine… And mine only. I don’t want to share you with Ubbe and nobody else anymore. I want you. Tell me I can have it”_** he mumbled against your mouth with one of his hand between you two, lining his body with your entrance. His expression clearly waiting for your answer.

It was your time to surprise him, thrusting your hips against his erection, pulling him inside your body slowly as your hands crossed in the back of his neck, holding him closer. Your eyes deeply inside of his.

You heard him moaning. You saw him almost close his eyes in pleasure. But when his hips were against yours and his body entirely inside your womanhood, you kissed his lips slowly, moaning against it his answer, while moving your hips against his, making his cock slide inside, involved on your intense wetness.  ** _“I’m yours, Hvitserk… can you feel, Puppy? Can you feel how much I want you?”_**

**_“Oh yeah, smukke… I can… I can feel it. You’re so damn wet!”_ **

He moved over you, rolling his hips just what he needs to reach your spots, making you moan to his ears. And this time, you gave him no resistance. You gave all the moans he wanted to hear and moved against him to seek your orgasms as many times as he allowed to your body to come for him. He filled you with his seed so many times that you lost count.

It was already night outside when he growled one last time over you, panting with his face laid on your neck. You were panting like him, your body hugging his naked skin, marked by your nails, against your own.

His face slid through yours and he whispered some words to your ears only, causing all that hot sensation turn into a warm wave that spread into your body, coming from your heart, warmed for his words. You hugged him tighter. And a smile formed on your face before he laid his forehead on yours, smiling back.

**_“I love you too, Hvitserk. I love you too…”_ **


	7. Harvest of Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major Character Death warning

Things weren’t that clear since you discovered about your godfather’s death…

You could feel the heat of the battle, the taste of the victory Ivar had conquered for you and your brothers with his amazing strategy.

You could feel your heart beating like a drum, excited by your brothers’ screams. You could feel your soul tremble with Björn’s voice at your ears…

**_“SHIELDWALL! CHARGE!”._ **

You could feel your body heating with his movements… His fierceness… His body covered on your enemies’ blood…

Hvitserk fought as a beast and you always thought it was so beautiful and attractive on him. You always got so horny with his battle growls… But now, now you knew all that made the shield maidens around you get wet, would be in your bed, sweating with you at the end of this night. It was for you he was smiling. His sword was pointed at you…

It was your waist he grabbed in the middle of the battlefield.

Your lips he kissed in front of everybody, sharing with you the delicious emotion of the battle and the taste of blood on his lips.

**_“Tonight I’ll fuck you until I’m sure you’re carrying my child.”_ **

You laugh at his promises and he smiled at you. That devilish smile that made you think maybe he was talking for real and not only joking with your excitation.

He jumped into Ivar’s chariot, punching his brother’s arms and celebrating. Ivar was so happy! When was the last time you got such a beautiful scene in your eyes?

All your brothers were there, together, smiling at each other, all of them around Ivar who was also smiling, screaming and so happy. You asked the gods to never forget this scene. To keep this moment in your mind forever…

You never thought you would regret these ask.

Cause that moment so happy was now crushing your heart into pieces. You could remember their smiles… You could remember how happy you were…

Now…

Now everything turned into tears and despair. 

Such a huge pain that burned your throat to a scream so loud, so heartbroken, that you could barely recognize your own voice. In your hands, a body you never imagined to carry this way. In your heart, a pain you never imagined you could handle.

You couldn’t handle…

You wish you could die with him. In his place… You wish it was you lying lifeless in his arms. Anything but feeling your beloved bee sleeping forever in your embrace. His snake eyes opened to nowhere. His blood staining your clothes.

The happy eyes of hours ago now were drowned in tears you wish you never had to cry. Why you couldn’t be faster? Why you weren’t fast enough? One step ahead… Just one step… You could still remember that scene repeating and repeating in slow motion in your head…

You would never forget that scene…

You were celebrating. Björn’s speech was just over. All the brothers sat around the table. Sigurd had just leaned out the oud against the pillar and came back to the table where you were sat at Hvitserk’s lap. His hand around your waist as he was eating and drinking from your cup. Ivar was bored: Björn wanted to go back to the Mediterranean Sea and it would divide the army he wanted to lead on new raids. You loved the heat of the battle and you didn’t disagree of your little brother’s need for new quests, but you were with Ubbe: you wish to settle down and have some time to mature your new relationship with Hvitserk, maybe start a life by his side. You two weren’t kids anymore and you weren’t becoming younger… And anyway, Hvitserk and you had spent lots of time traveling. Both of you needed time to settle down and get some rest before thinking about another raid.

But even then, you didn’t take Ivar’s right to be thirsty. He never had won a battle before. He just tasted his first victory and of course, he would want more. So when he started to scream to the army, you got a little bit proud he was becoming such a great warrior. Such a leader… But your brothers weren’t thinking the same way as you…

**_“You cannot lead the army, Ivar…”_ **

Your eyes rolled to Ubbe and your soul questioned mutely…  _“Why not?”_

Ivar has proved himself a valuable mind, the warriors were answering to his voice and he knew exactly for what reasons to fight or drive the army.

**_“For the love of fame and for the love of Odin, our father!”_ **

Why he could not lead the army men who want to follow him?

 ** _“Don’t do this, Ivar! We are all the sons of Ragnar, we have to stick together!”_** , Sigurd’s voice just cuts your thoughts and Ivar’s expression just caught your attention to the fight about to begin.

 ** _“_** ** _Frankly, dear Sigurd, I don’t care what you say.”_** Ivar started and you put your cup over the table, ready to stop this little arguing between them both ** _“The truth is, I wouldn’t even piss down your throat even if your lungs were on fire.”_**

But before you could do anything, Sigurd shoot something that made your eyes turn furiously to him.  ** _“Well, maybe that’s because you’re not really a man! Are you, Boneless?”_**

Ivar just stopped and your eyes almost choke Sigurd for killing Ivar’s eyes that way. All of you knew how much Margrethe’s experience has crushed him and it wasn’t Sigurd’s right to talk about this so meanly and that was why you spent the entire time Björn was talking with the men calling his attention for such a grossly action, whispering harsh words to him.

**_“Gods, damn it Sigurd! How many times I have to tell you to bite your damn tongue! Was it really necessary? He is your damn brother! Respect his pain! For the gods’ sake!”_ **

**_“I’m sorry”_** he whispered back ** _“He is fucking insane, (Y/N)! Someone needs to stop him”_**

 ** _“Poor Bjorn! It is you who doesn’t want to keep the army together. It is you who wants to go away to sunny places. Everyone else can follow me.”_**  Ivar has started again and Sigurd turned himself to you.

**_“See? He’s fucking crazy!”_ **

And then… The worse has begun. Sigurd got up, slapping the table and looking to Ivar.

**_“I do not want to follow you, Ivar. You are crazy. You have the mind of a child!”_ **

You took a breath to make them stop, but Ivar shoots faster than you.

**_“And all you do is play music, Sigurd!”_ **

**_“I’m just as much a son of Ragnar as you are.”_ **

Why were they arguing that way? It was supposed to be a good moment! Why Sigurd couldn’t stop and respect Ivar’s intents? All he had to do is to stay. Do not follow Ivar and let him go by himself!

But he had to fight… He had to defy Ivar once again. To push him beyond his limits…

**_“I’m not so sure. As far as I remember, Ragnar didn’t play the oud. And he certainly didn’t offer his ass to other men!”_ **

**_“Ivar!!”_**  you said, shocked  ** _“This already went too far! You two just stop!”_**  you got up from Hvitserk’s lap, trying to cool them both down.

But it was just like you wasn’t there… Sigurd just kept pushing, teasing, speaking things he never should have said.

**_“You make me laugh just like you do when you crawl around like a baby.”_ **

**_“Shut your mouth!”_**  Ivar screamed.

He was so near the edge!

 ** _“Enough!”_**  Björn tried.

 ** _“You two, please stop!”_**  you tried.

But Ivar just screamed higher to both of you.

**_“This has nothing to do with you!”_ **

Your brother’s body was so tense! Neither Ubbe’s words were able to relax him not even a little.

**_“Ivar, do not listen to him.”_ **

**_“What’s the matter, Ivar?”_**  Sigurd’s voice echoed again  ** _“You can’t take it? No, I guess it must be hard for you now that your mommy’s dead. Knowing she’s the only one who ever really loved you”_**

It went too far even for you. You turned to Sigurd ready to scream at him. And he shrugged at you, ready to do what he always did… To say Ivar deserved to hear… To hear he never knew when to stop…

But this time wasn’t going to be another discussion. This time you wouldn’t be able to make things right. You would never be able to make things right again.

Cause it wasn’t your harsh voice that reached Sigurd in that second.

**_“Ivar… IVAR!”._ **

After Ubbe’s voice screaming everything went low for you. And it was a flying ax that hit Sigurd’s chest, right over the heart. His stained eyes were looking at you when it happened. And then everything turned blank to you.

His tunic slowly began to become red and he walked towards Ivar’s chair after he pulled the ax out of the wound. Your eyes followed his steps until he drops to his knees and then onto the ground

All your life has passed through your eyes.

The first time he brought you his oud… His first successful music…

His smiles, his hugs…

_“Things are not the same without you here.”_

Your body moved by itself, walking in slow steps until where Hvitserk and Ubbe were already lowered. Ubbe’s hands caressing Sigurd’s blonde hair you remember to braid before the battle…

Your legs lost the strength and you fell on your knees. Your pain was so visible that Hvitserk and Ubbe opened some space so you could get closer, gently turning Sigurd to you.

_He didn’t move…_

_He wasn’t breathing anymore…_

You had leaned your head towards his, touched your ear to his chest…

_There wasn’t a heart beating…_

_He wasn’t hugging you back when you held his body in your arms._

_He didn’t comfort you when you started crying on his shoulder._

You closed your eyes and his laugh came back to your mind. That so happy moment come back to your mind and you cursed your ask for remembering.

Your beloved  _bee_  wasn’t there anymore and all you could do was screaming, as loud as you could, trying to pull out through your throat the pain that was ripping your chest.

Your eyes didn’t cross with Ivar’s even you knew he was looking at you. You just hid your face against Sigurd’s hair and cried holding him as you could prevent his soul to enter the Valhalla and drag her back to his body.

It was hard to separate you from Sigurd’s body, but when Ubbe finally made this task you were defeated. Not even Hvitserk’s hug was able to make you feel better. There was a void inside your chest, dragging all emotions to the darkness in your eyes, so clear, that any hope of forgiveness just vanished from Ivar’s blues as soon as he faced your eyes.

You were ready to defend him… You were ready to stand for him.

Now…

**_“What have you done?”_ **

Your words seemed to drag Ivar’s blues into tears that he didn’t let to fall. Hvitserk took you with him but you didn’t follow his steps to the tents. In the middle of the way you just separated from him. Asked for a time to yourself.

You went to the river, you sunk yourself on the water until it covers your head. The flow washing Sigurd’s blood from your chest and your hands, but not from your soul. You screamed until your voice got lost. You cried until there were no more tears to cry. With the sun dying on the horizon, you felt Hvitserk’s cloak on your shoulders and his arms taking you from the ground you were laid in. You barely moved when he took your body in his arms but as soon as his smell invaded your nose, you gripped his clothes with your fingers tight and looked to him in teary eyes he never imagined to see so full of pain.

**_“Please… don’t leave me”_ **

His own eyes turned teary to your voice almost childish and he leaned his head against yours, touching your forehead with his own.

 ** _“Please”_**  you repeated, devastated  ** _“Please don’t leave me, Puppy, please…”_**

But he just hugged you tighter and nodded his head affirmatively trying to make you feel something you were sure you would never feel again.

You had lost your godfather, your godmother and now your beloved Honey Bee was dead… You weren’t ready to lose anyone else so soon…

And now you were sure you would never feel safe once again.


	8. Torn

Everything was going too fast.

In a day you were back, hearing his new melodies, sharing smiles, laughs. In the next second, you were burying your beloved little brother. His so well cared oud, silenced forever between his hands in where you placed the ring set you had just gave to him and almost wasn’t able to see him using…

So many plans for melodies and happiness were in your mind when you found that ring set for him… Now it all has gone into the shadows Hvitserk was already concerned about seeing in your eyes. Constantly.

**_“You will never talk to me again?”_ **

And, of course, there was the angry.

 ** _“Ivar… Just give her some time…”_**  Hvitserk tried, as he was trying since it all happened.

There was already about a month of Sigurd’s death, and you haven’t spoken a word to Ivar since the occurred. He wasn’t able to see - since, for you, he was too selfish to look around and see anything but his own nose tip! - But you weren’t talking not only to him.

Not even Hvitserk was hearing your voice as much as he was used to. Ubbe was starting to be concerned about your mental health.  _“Maybe lose so many people in so few time was too much for her”_ , you remember you heard him talking with Hvitserk, who was defending you with claws and teeth, insisting all you needed was time, even you know he was almost disbelieving his own theory.

 ** _“How much time does she need? Uh? There is a month already!”_**  Ivar spilled, angry, as always.

And it caught your eyes, finally turning your attention from inside your thoughts to his surprised blues.  He never saw so much anger in somebody else’s eyes…

 ** _“Y/N…”_**  Hvitserk tried, but you turned your body to Ivar, looking inside his eyes like a lion about to swallow a bunny.

 ** _“Time enough for me to forget I was about to defend you when you killed my brother!”_**  you yelled the three last words, causing Ivar to shrink in his own chair, looking at you completely hurt while you left your chair, leaving the table, trying to get some air.

Those hurt eyes still were real for you… You saw the pain in that blues when he begged you for sorry.  He was still your Grumpy.

But what he did… What he did was unforgivable in your heart. And every time you thought about forgiving him and move on you could see the shocked stained eyes of Sigurd’s dead body looking to nowhere… Remembering he wasn’t there to sing to you and make your bad dreams go away and it was Ivar’s fault.

You wish you could disappear as Björn did… You wish to be so disconnected as he was, leaving like nothing has happened, smiling into that boat while his brother’s tomb was still fresh enough for you to feel the smell of messed earth around. You hated him so bad! You could still remember the way Hvitserk tried to hold you after you pushed and punched Björn’s chest like crazy, accusing him to be the worst brother of all for leaving his family in such a hard moment.

_“Your destiny my ass, Björn! You just don’t want to be what you are! You don’t want to be our older brother! You’re leaving, just like Ragnar did! You just a coward! That’s what you are!”_

Your words, echoing in your head, making you go a little more far from the camp, trying to find some silent place where the voices in your head just shut up.

How could you leave? How could you disappear when your family was so torn? You spent the last month looking at them. Trying to see on Ubbe whatever Björn was able to see that made him so sure he could handle that situation. Your wolf… He was so torn apart… So broken… So… Weak…

You could see the fear in his eyes every single time he looked to Ivar… And the way he was always looking to the horizon, so tired…

Ubbe was never strong enough to the tasks he put on his shoulders. He took to himself the responsibility of raising Hvitserk, Sigurd and even you after Ragnar has left, but he was just a young man, he wasn’t your father… And you have to admit your godmother was an amazing woman, but she raised Ivar only…

Ubbe was always putting himself aside to tend everyone’s needs and you always knew one day it would be too much for him. He was never strong enough to face this kind of problem… Your family was breaking, his brothers were divided and you knew he was blaming himself for Sigurd’s death more than really being able to control Ivar’s temper. Sooner or later, Ivar would show himself stronger than Ubbe’s control and it would end up destroying the last bounds that were keeping your brothers united. And you just couldn’t let it happen.

Also, in the bottom of yourself you knew that need Ubbe had for settling down wasn’t really his desire to fulfill your godfather’s wishes, but his own need to build something for him, to go back to the peaceful times of your childhood where all he had to do was hunt, fish and take care of some roots for you to have some good food to the dinner. You could read his eyes…

Same way you could read Ivar’s.

He never liked these times.

He wasn’t able to go on hunting games with Ubbe and Sigurd, to fish or play in the water as Hvitserk and you used to do. But he saw himself able to kill, to raid, to fight… He was able to lead, he was able to conquer, and he wanted it more than anything in the world.

He couldn’t stop talking about York and how perfect the city would be to establish a base or how he could use the army to raid even more lands in England, maybe the entire place…

In other times, you would be supporting him. You would be talking with Ubbe, Sigurd, and Hvitserk about letting him go if he wanted to, about trust in his ability as a leader and a strategist. You always believed in him and at different times, you would be supporting his initiative.

_But after what he did…_

There were so many questions in your head, so many things, thoughts…

**_“Y/N… ”._ **

You pushed whoever was trying to hold you before you could hear Hvitserk’s voice, hearing his little grunt when his back hit the tree beside you, hurting his flank in one of the twigs.

 ** _“Fuck!”_**  you cursed, seeing when he shrunk. His hand over the little wound.  ** _“Let me see it,”_** you asked.

A little scratch, a hole in his clothes you could sew for him later.  ** _“Damn… I’m sorry”_**  you said, sliding your hands on your hair, loosening your braids, trying to reduce the pressure on your head.

 ** _“Y/N… Try to cool down, love…”_**  he tried, touching your shoulders, turning you to him.

And there was another wave of thoughts…

You two had just begun… In this last months, how many times Hvitserk has stopped his brothers from arguing, defended you from Ubbe, stopped Ivar’s insistence on hearing your voice, slept alone in his tent while you were outside, restless.

How many times he brought you food even you haven’t eaten. Or took you to bed in his arms when the exhaustion consumed you causing you to sleep on some tree or anywhere in the camp but your own bed…

And all you could do when looking to his face was feel your eyes filling with tears again and again and again like you were trying to deny he was your only save point in all this destruction and chaos, but your heart was desperately asking him for help and relief through your wet eyes, spilling once again in front of his.

 ** _“I know it is hard… I can…”_**  you pushed him away, covering your face, trying to keep him away from you.

 ** _“No!”_**  your voice sounded so strangled! That damn knot on your throat trying to suffocate your will to flee from your pain while your heart was compressed inside your chest in such a painful way, trying to force you to his embrace - the only place you knew you were safe.

 ** _“Stop pushing me away from you, Y/N!”_**  his damn meek voice once again destroying your self-control, making the knot even bigger, almost cutting your air flow.

 ** _“It’s not fair!”_**  you tried, almost yelling at him  ** _“We had just begun… And you already have to deal with the worst part of me! We didn’t even have time to feel it, Hvitserk! And you already have to support me, to keep protecting me like a damn shield!”_**

 ** _“To what will I serve if it’s not to protect you, Y/N? What does a companion do?”_**  he said, firmly this time, causing you to turn your eyes to him  ** _“We protect each other. We divide the pain, Y/N! We hold each other; support each other in the worse moments… We… We help each other. That’s what we do! I think you didn’t understand what I’ve told you, Y/N: I love you!”_**

His words acting like a wrecking ball, destroying your walls, crumbling your resistance, changing your expression from the anger to the surprise. ** _“It hurts me too, he was my brother so as he was yours. Ivar is my brother so as he is yours. I’m so confused and hurt as you are… But I’m alone, Y/N. I’m dealing with your pain and my own by myself! Why don’t you just try to make things a little bit easier to me and stop running away every time I try to get close?”_** he said, sighing frustratedly in the next second.

He was as broken as you were… And even then he was trying to fix your heart; to hold your pain; to support you…

 ** _“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have spilled everything on you this way, I…”_** You cut his voice again, but this time, your hands weren’t pushing him away but pulling him closer. Opening his arms… Nestling your body between them; closing them around you; holding him back while you could feel his face nestling in your neck.

Maybe, as your own, his heart was feeling safe now…

Maybe, trying to prevent him to take your suffering to him, you were denying him support to his own.

Maybe running away from making him your safe point, you were denying him his own safe place between your arms…

 ** _“I love you too”_** , you said, feeling his arms becoming tighter around your body.  ** _“I’m sorry, Hvitserk…”_**

 ** _“Puppy…”_**  he corrected you  ** _“You call me Puppy.”_**

His voice was trembling…

**_“I’m sorry, Puppy…”_ **

You felt him nodding against your neck and closed your eyes.

Time.

Maybe all you needed was time…


	9. Falling to Pieces

**_“My suggestion is that we GO back North, to where we defeated Aelle. We should establish a permanent camp, as you say, but near the coast, from where we can raid wherever we want”_**  said Ivar.

 ** _“Our father’s dream was that we wouldn’t be just raiders. That we would behave in a different way”_**  said Ubbe.

Hvitserk was silently observing once again, quiet as you were, but for a different reason. He was studying both sides of that arguing. You already knew who was going to win.

Since what happened, you were silently listening to Ivar’s strategies and Ubbe’s appeals for claiming the land and settle down. A discussion already solved in your mind.

You just couldn’t understand why everyone insisted on try to prevent Ivar to do what he would do with or without permission.

 ** _“No… It would seem like a withdrawal”_**  Ubbe denied Ivar’s plans and you saw, at that moment, he wasn’t even paying true attention to what Ivar was saying.

 ** _“It is tactical, Ubbe.”_**  You said, causing them all to look at you ** _“We’ll go back to the coast, where we are near the sea, closest to our homelands and not surrendered by enemies as we will be if we settle here, in the middle of the country, as you want. Were you even listening to what Ivar was saying all this time? Do you even listen to each other?”_**  you finished, getting up  ** _“We should go York. Is the town you want to raid, isn’t it, Ivar?”_**

Your aggressive tone didn’t prevent his smile.

**_“Exactly. It is…”_ **

**_“Built on a major river, close to the sea and is built in a stronghold shape. We’ll be able to settle your damn farming camps with walls to protect it, a constant flow of water that can’t be cut and a secure connection with our own markets to drain the production. Also, if you stop to tie his elbows on yours, Ubbe, Ivar will be able to go wherever he wants with the damn army and expand, raid, do whatever he wants to do. I agree we should go York, not because Ivar is saying it, but because is the smarter plan and you would have seen it if you weren’t so afraid to let Ivar walk with his own feet,_**   ** _forgiving me the idiot pun”_**  you said, causing Ivar to frown and Ubbe to look directly to you.

He was so pissed off. But you didn’t know if he was pissed with your agreement on Ivar’s plan or on his freedom to follow his own path.

 ** _“If he wants to raid, let him go, Ubbe. It doesn’t mean you have to go with him. Or any of us.”_**  you dared to sink your fingers on the wound that nobody wanted to touch in that table and Ubbe clenched his teeth.

**_“It is not like…”_ **

**_“He is already, Ubbe. You think he is not able to lead this army, but he is already doing it. The men respect his mental ability as a strategist more than his own brother is doing and want you or not, they will follow Ivar. Sooner or later he will follow his own path. And his path is to battle. Deal with it Ubbe.”_**  you finished with harsh words that caused him to smile annoyed, agreeing with the plan unwillingly and leaving the tent.

Hvitserk was lost as the puppy he was, looking from you to Ubbe then to Ivar, without a single word. Ivar smiled, but before his irony allowed him to complete that arrogant smile on his lips, you sighed looking at him.

 ** _“It doesn’t mean I’m by your side, Ivar.”_**  You said, catching his eyes on your  ** _“You must stop trying to overthrow Ubbe of what he is. He’s the older son of Ragnar here and he is right: your father’s will wasn’t you to be raiders. He wanted more, so if you want to be a raider and want to have your own will respected, you should start trying to respect your brother’s will to follow your father’s dreams. But I don’t even know why I’m trying to tell you anything… You’re a grown man now. And you know pretty well how to take care of yourself.”_**  You completed before he had time enough to catch the air for an answer to your words  ** _“We’ll go to York. And as soon as you have your stronghold, I’ll quit.”_**

Now it was time for Hvitserk and Ivar to look at you, both with surprised expressions on their faces.

**_“I’m tired. I lost too much. As Ubbe, I want to settle down, but not here. I want to go back to my homelands, find a place guided by my gods out of the reach of that usurper queen hands. I want to stop, Ivar. I want to have a home, to go back to the same place every day and sleep in the same bed. A bed, not a pile of furs. Instead of you, I have been traveling for years enough and I just want a place to call home.”_ **

Ivar rolled his eyes but Hvitserk lowered his glance… You knew he didn’t want to stop yet. But you also knew you needed some peace. And even if he wanted to keep raiding with Ivar at England, you would go back and stop. You needed to do it for yourself.

**_“We should go to our tents and have some rest. York, as we said, is a stronghold and is not gonna be that easy to take. Good night to you all.”_ **

You left the tent, walking to your own, feeling when Hvitserk touched your shoulders, turning you to him.

 ** _“Do you really…”_**  he started but you didn’t let him go forward.

**_“Yes. I want to settle down and have a life, Hvitserk. Not like Ubbe. I don’t want to farm forever. But I want to have a time from swords and blood. I need it. And I will understand if this is too soon for you. I’ll be waiting when you decide it is your time to come back.”_ **

Your fingers touched his face and you felt when he leaned into your touch. He would stay and gods it would be so hard to leave him. But you needed…

You needed to pull down your sword, not to come back to old times as Ubbe desperately wanted but to create new times, new moments, to build your own word again. And you were ready to make your world a safe base for him to come back when it was his time… You would only pray to the gods to guard your heart and bring him safely to your arms once again.

* * *

 

As you were waiting and according to Ivar’s plans once again, the raid on York was a tremendous success. The city fell easily than you were expecting – good touch from Ubbe, by the way, remembering your godfather Ragnar and his knowledge about the Christian towns and their saint days.

But as much as the confidence on Ivar – who was now standing on his feet with that strange leg armor and crutch he has paid the blacksmith to do for him – it was growing the tension between your brothers. And the disgust in your heart for what they had become…

Ubbe’s fear about Ivar was so enormous now that he could barely be happy for seeing his brother standing on his own feet. He was so blind by the fear that his only feeling about the moment when his little brother realized a childish dream was the horror to see Ivar growing even bigger than he was already.

 ** _“If he can surpass his own disability, what he can’t defeat, Hvitserk?”_**  you heard them talking in that same night.

And your heart filled with anger hearing Ubbe’s voice.

 ** _“He’ll become unstoppable.”_**  He said, taking a nervous sip from his cup to almost choke with it when your voice echoed in the tent he was almost hidden with Hvitserk to talk about a brother who wasn’t there to defend himself and who was already sleeping, exhausted, once his new activity training his walking skills was draining his energy and increasing his constant pain.

 ** _“And why should we fear it, Ubbe?”_**  you asked, seeing the surprise in that blues you were used to admiring so much.  ** _“Are we his enemies to fear his greatness? Are you seeing your own brother as a potential enemy, wolf? I think I was wrong when I named you. If this is what is happening so ‘wolf’ is not a good name to you, once wolves don’t turn against the pack, Ubbe. Are you turning against your own pack?”_**

He looked at you with disbelief in his eyes.

 ** _“Can’t you see what he’s becoming, Y/N? I’m not the one who is turning ‘against the pack’ as you say. He already killed one of us, Y/N. If he is able to kill his own brother in an arguing, so what he is not capable of?”_**  he said so accusing, so harsh.

Your tongue became bitter to remember you once thought about him as a future husband. And your eyes went to Hvitserk.

**_“Do you agree with him, Hvitserk? Is that what you think?”_ **

**_“I still don’t know what to think, Y/N.”_**  he said and you giggled.

**_“Evasive, as always…”_ **

**_“No!”_**  he said before you could continue.  ** _“I just don’t think Ubbe is totally wrong about the fact that Ivar’s greatness can be dangerous. But I’m not so sure of what he is saying. I don’t think Ivar killed Sigurd premeditatedly. It was an accident. A terrible one, but an accident and Sigurd also knew our brother was explosive.”_**

It was Ubbe’s time to giggle in disbelief.

 ** _“You know I’m right, Ubbe.”_**  Hvitserk continued  ** _“Ivar was always given to angry outbursts and Sigurd provoked him beyond the edge talking about our mother. She wasn’t so close to us as she was to him. Ivar is suffering way more than us. Sigurd touched a delicate point and you know that.”_**

 ** _“And it justifies our brother’s death?”_**  Ubbe said, looking to Hvitserk.  ** _“You’re telling me that you don’t feel the fear to be the next one to ‘provoke Ivar beyond the edge’?”_**

You could see clearly the way Ubbe was using the right words to make Hvitserk’s self-confidence tremble.

 ** _“By the way, what edges are we talking about?”_**  he continued, smiling disgusted  ** _“Do Ivar recognizes any limits? He’ll become greater and greater and one day he’ll swallow us as he did with Sigurd. When it happens, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you! Both of you!”_** he said, before leaving the tent.

Hvitserk was dizzy once again; you could see it in his eyes. Maybe, all this time, he wasn’t acting for himself not because he doesn’t have his own opinion but because Ubbe was keeping him so tightly under control that it was numbing his vision of the facts and making him see everything by Ubbe’s eyes. How far your wolf’s need for controlling that family was going? How scared he was to lose his brothers or admit he wasn’t Ragnar and for more he was trying to do his work, he wasn’t his brother’s father?

You kept yourself silent this time. But you started to observe.

And your answer soon appeared: it was right after the explosive success of Ivar’s plans to defend the city against the Saxons attempt to recover York. He left those Roman walls unprotected and unguarded for months. And the stupid Saxon fishes bite the hook as it was the most delicious dish. They had come right from those walls directly into Ivar’s traps and schemes that ended up in that amazing scene: your younger brother seated on the ground almost unarmed, in front of the entire Saxon army, screaming as a wild beast. And they haven’t the balls to shot him an arrow. No one moved a bone and you could see the horror in their eyes. You could see the greatness on Ivar’s screams and the way your men were answering him like a commander.

But you also could see all the fear that was drowning Ubbe’s heart. What he was doing telling the men to wait that way? Ivar was in danger! His hesitation could have cost his brother’s life… How far his fear was growing?

**_“Let’s all make peace…”_ **

Too far.

Too soon.

You heard the conversation between Ivar and Ubbe with disgust. Your older brother, your wolf, was trying desperately to stop the huge growth of your youngest one. And for this sake, he was doing a wrong move that would cost him dear…

**_“The Saxons lost the battle but they have not yet lost the war. I would beware of trying to negotiate with them”._ **

Wise words. You never thought you would ever see Ivar being so wise and Ubbe being such a fool… But more than that, you were right: Ubbe was really trying to control as much as he could of Hvitserk’s thoughts and will… Maybe Hvitserk was the only one he could keep under his embrace and it was becoming too tight now that he lost Sigurd and was losing Ivar… Tightly enough for him to wake Hvitserk from your side in the bed to follow him into that stupidity for a deal you knew Ubbe didn’t want for real.

 ** _“You know he is right, don’t you?”_**  your voice reached them before they leave the room, causing both of them, Hvitserk and Ubbe, to look back to see you seated on the furs Hvitserk had just left.  ** _“You know is not the right time for negotiations and you know you’re doing a wrong movement. Don’t you, Ubbe?”_**

**_“I’m trying to put an end to it, Y/N. My father’s dreams…”_ **

**_“Oh please, stop it.”_**  You said, disgusted, getting up and going to him  ** _“You don’t come to me with this disgusting speech about your father’s desires. This is not about Ragnar, Ubbe. This is about you trying to control your brothers and doing everything wrong! This is about your fear of Ivar’s greatness and how far he is going from your hands. This is about you terrified of losing Hvitserk’s reins!”_**  you spit on his face all that harsh words that were stuck in your throat.  ** _“This is not about to follow your father’s dreams and wishes for you all, Ubbe. This is about stopping Ivar’s rush for his own dreams! This is about dragging him into that crawling crippled that you could carry wherever you want and that he is no longer!”_**

He looked at your face, surprised, but you sighed frustrated.

**_“Wanna know what? Go. Both of you. Take your brother with you into the enemy camp, Ubbe. Do your last efforts to stop your brother’s dreams. Go, Hvitserk. Follow Ubbe as the damn shadow you are and always will be! Go! But go with the knowledge that if you make this deal now, you’ll be cutting Ivar’s dreams right at the moment they are blooming. And if you don’t, the gods have mercy of bringing you back alive. I’m tired of trying to stick this family together. I’m tired to see your fear consuming what you are, Ubbe. I’m tired to see your inertia transforming what you are, Hvitserk. Go. At least it will put an end to this. One way or another.”_ **

You had enough.

You turned your back on them and get back to the pile of furs you were using as a bed. In your mind, your decisions were made.

If they made the deal, you would take Ivar with you and make his head to come back to Kattegat, to avenge his mother’s death with you and then, with his leadership proved and the crown of Kattegat freed, you’ll find him men enough so he could follow his own path and raid as much as he wants.

And if they weren’t able to make that deal, all you could do was pray for them to come back alive, because their fates would be sealed and Ivar would finally prove himself as a better leader than them all. And with the failure, you would be finally able to open Hvitserk’s eyes and take him out of Ubbe’s control.

It was just a matter of time until it all crack into pieces…

Your past was ended. Your family was destroyed.   
It was just a matter of time before it all comes to an end.


	10. Behind the Storm

**_“Our father would have hated you for sundering and splitting his family”_ **

There it was…

The Gods were merciful with your heart bringing both of them alive. But none of them came back well.

Ubbe had a wound in his face that for sure would leave a scar for him to remember his mistakes and Hvitserk came to your room with so many stone marks in his back that you could say they ran all the way back to York under a stone rain from Saxon’s army.

But you didn’t say a single word when your eyes crossed with theirs. You didn’t need to. Ubbe’s disappointment and his frustration were stamped in his eyes when he looked at you and your words would have been the same that Ivar spat in his face…

**_“I told you so…”_ **

He had risked his own life, Hvitserk’s life. And not even this way he could admit how wrong he was. You were still tending Hvitserk’s wounds when he came into your room with the bags for Hvitserk’s things.

 ** _“We’ll leave at the first hour tomorrow. This way we’ll not face too many nights at the sea”_** he said, and tried to smile to Hvitserk like everything would be fine.

Your pretty puppy was so broken…

He just looked down, making the smile on Ubbe’s face to vanish.

 ** _“Hvitserk?”_** he asked, fearing the worse.

And you just finished the wounds, covering Hvitserk’s back and getting up.

 ** _“I’ll pack_** **your _things”_** your voice echoed like a sword crossing Ubbe’s chest. ****

_…your things…_

Not ours.

You would make Hvitserk’s bags, not yours. ****

 ** _“You won’t come with us…”_**  Ubbe didn’t ask.

He affirmed, causing Hvitserk to frown, annoyed and your eyes to glare at him, straight to his eyes. ****

**_“I have no reason to flee, Ubbe.”_ **

**_“We are not…”_** he started, but you stood up, once again looking into his eyes with your (y/c/e) orbs fierce and sharp.

**_“YOU are leaving because YOU don’t want to face the truth, Ubbe. You failed. You were wrong. Ivar was right on every single word he said and you don’t want to admit the truth: He is a good leader, he can lead this army and he will succeed. But worse than that… You’re leaving because you want to prove your point. You’re leaving because, somehow, you really believe that Ivar will fail without you and Hvitserk around and you want it to happen. You’re cheering for it. And I can’t be by Ivar’s side after what he did to my brother, but I can’t also tolerate your actions, Ubbe. You’re cheering against your own brother because you’re too afraid to admit that this family is broken! It was always broken since Ragnar has left!”_ **

**_“I did everything I could to stick us together!”_** he yelled and you silenced, seeing his explosion finally coming out, his limits finally breaking as glass walls spreading all over the ground  ** _“I invested my entire life on taking care of all my brothers and made the best I could replacing father and Björn. And why not to say, mother, once she was too busy giving all of her attention to Ivar and Harbard to look after Sigurd and Hvitserk or even you! I did everything I could and I’m still fighting for this family, (Y/N)!”_**

 ** _“No. You’re not.”_** you said, catching his surprised eyes. ** _“You’re not fighting for this family, Ubbe. You’re fighting for your pride. You’re protecting yourself from the failure. You don’t want to face the reality and I don’t want to spend my life living a lie. This family is over. Ivar is following his path and I’ll fulfill my promises to him ‘cause I honor my word, but once he has settled York as his stronghold here, I’ll leave as I said. And I’ll not go back to Kattegat 'cause that place is not my home anymore, not with that usurper holding the crown. So if you want to keep pretending this travel will be a time warp that will bring you back our childish moments, do what you want, Wolf.”_**

You didn’t want to, but your eyes filled with tears anyway.

To mention that nickname in such a hurtful moment… It wasn’t the way you wanted this to end.

 ** _“I’m looking forward, Ubbe. I can’t live from past, no matter how good our memories are. My queen Aslaug is not here anymore. My king Ragnar is not here anymore. My sweet Honey Bee is not here anymore. I had to learn how to see the world without her visions, to face it without his protection… I had to learn how to sleep with nightmares without his songs to calm me down, Ubbe.”_** your voice was starting to sound strangled; even you didn’t want the sobs to take you. ** _“Now I have to learn how to move on without you. I have to learn how to let Ivar go.”_**

For the first time in that talk, your eyes crossed with Hvitserk’s.

And he looked straight to you, almost waiting for what you would say about him.

 ** _“I have to build my future with my own hands”_** you said…

And you saw his eyes shine in tears too.

He knew you were talking about the two of you and the way that departure would break your relationship, maybe forever.

Hvitserk was confused. Your conversation when he came back was turbulent and he was torn into as many pieces as your heart. He didn’t want to be on Ivar’s side because of Sigurd’s death. He didn’t want to leave Ubbe alone after all they lived together. He didn’t want to leave you with all the dreams and plans he had built for you two. He didn’t want to take a decision so you took it for him. You stood for your position. You said your destiny and left his in his hands.

Since that, not even a word was traded by you and he remained silent.

You swallowed dry seeing when Hvitserk lowered his head. And your eyes went to Ubbe’s again.

 ** _“I’ll move forward, Ubbe. And I hope someday you can do it too. I hope somehow you find a way to live without trying to bring back something that is broken and can never be fixed. Our past will never happen again, Wolf. It’s over and it is time to move on. I hope you can see it someday.”_**  You said, leaving the bags, the room and them both.

You still could hear Hvitserk’s voice asking Ubbe to stop, telling him he didn’t want to talk. But you did not stay to hear.

You could be pretty conscious about what was going on but it didn’t mean the reality around you weren’t ripping your heart out of your chest.

**_“(Y/N)!”_ **

You cut your steps when heard your name echoing on Ivar’s voice and only then you noticed you were crossing the hall of the church they were using as Great Hall since you invaded York.

 ** _“Come sit with us.”_**  He called.

A cup in his hands and some men around him, smiling.

 ** _“I have no time to celebrate,_ sir _.”_**  you answered, mocking ironically about his recent conquered position and it made the smile vanish from his face.

You sighed. It wasn’t also your right to hurt him so freely.

 ** _“While you’re ascending, my life is being ripped, so just for tonight, Ivar… I need a time”_**  you said in a better tone and it seemed to make him get what were you talking about. He dismissed the men around him and came, slowly, with his crutch, one step at a time till reach you.

 ** _“I’ve heard you decided to stay. Even you’re not able to forgive me after Sigurd. Why?”_**  he asked.

**_“Cause I honor my word, Ivar. And I promised you a stronghold.”_ **

**_“So you’ll leave as soon as York is settled?”_ **

**_“Yes. Instead of Ubbe, I know the past is over, you’re not my Grumpy anymore so as he’s not my Wolf, Ivar. You’re a grown man. And you can walk with your own legs.”_**  you pointed him almost in another pun  ** _“You don’t need me and I can’t stay. I don’t want fights anymore and I won’t be able to stand beside you. Not when my heart is so heavy…”_**

 ** _“I didn’t…”_**  he started but you raised your hand, making him frown annoyed.

**_“I know you didn’t want. But it’s done, Ivar. And now I need time to swallow it up. All of it. Sigurd’s death, the way it happened, Ubbe’s behavior, Hvitserk’s…”_ **

**_“He’ll stay,”_**  he said, almost cocky.

 ** _“I don’t know”_**  you answered, serious.

 ** _“He will. You’re here, (Y/N). He’ll stay. Hvitserk is like a dog: he stays where is more comfortable for him and well… It is the winner’s side”_** he completed causing the blood to boil in your veins.

 ** _“Your brother is not a fucking dog, Ivar!”_**  You said, shocking your finger to his chest, catching his eyes in a fierce look to your  ** _“People around you aren’t toys or animals. We have feelings and you’re ignoring them! You’re a leader now, as you wanted, Ivar. Don’t be stupid with your men as you are with your family. This is not a fucking competition and there is no winner side when everyone is losing.”_**

 ** _“I’m not losing anything!”_**  he answered and you sighed.

 ** _“Ubbe lost his stability. Hvitserk, his guides. I lost my brother and my family. You? You’re alone, Ivar. You’re the only one that can’t see this. But you’re alone.”_**  you said, starting to walk to leave the hall, not hearing the crutch noise after you.

Ivar stayed.

Your words froze him and his eyes followed you until you vanished. He knew you were right. He knew.

 

 

* * *

 

The morning came and you saw Ubbe starting to put the packs out. Just a few men going with him, a major group of slaves and two or three shield maidens and warriors… too few people. Hvitserk was between them. You didn’t want to say goodbye or see him leaving. You knew if he was leaving with Ubbe so you two were a finished subject and you didn’t want to make it harder for any of you. So when Ivar left with the men to see their departure, you stayed, in your room, trying to occupy your head by polishing your sword and preparing your equipment to the next onrush from the Saxons.

Every time your eyes went to the window, you reprehended yourself.

It was his life.

His choices.

His way to live.

You had no right to…

**_“(Y/N)?”_ **

You heard your name and the sword felt on the ground.

You got up and turned around just to see Hvitserk, standing at your door, looking at you with that “lost puppy’s” face.

He stayed.

He stayed for you.

He took a stand for his own wishes for the first time and he did it for you.

You ran into his arms, feeling his embrace around you, tight. He was still lost. Something was still hurting inside of him. But you knew what to do to heal him.

 ** _“I couldn’t leave… I couldn’t lose you, (Y/N). The gods know how much I owe to Ubbe, but I couldn’t give up on our future because of the past he wants to bring back. You were right… And I don’t want to bring back those moments… They were good…”_**  he said, cupping your face with both of his hands  ** _“But you weren’t there. And I don’t want my life without you anymore”._**

You held his face, pulling him into your arms, kissing him as deep and passionately as you could. And this time something has changed in his touches. He was maybe so deep as you were, maybe more.

His kisses were needy, his embrace tighter…

**_“I need you (Y/N)… I need you now”._ **

Your clothes went into the ground, you didn’t see if he closed the door, it didn’t matter anymore.

His needy hands exploring your body and his thirsty mouth killing his thirst on your skin wasn’t letting you think about anything else.

You gave yourself to his desires and lost yourself in the pleasure he gave you for hours until your bodies were too tired to keep dancing together.

When everything ended, your head was leaned in his chest, his fingers running your hair and your focus on his heart beating under your ear.

 ** _“When this is all over, I want a son of yours.”_**  you said, in a low voice.

And he sighed, keeping the caresses on your head.

 ** _“I think I’ll go with you when you leave…”_**  he said, causing you to smile  ** _“And then we can make this son you’re talking about”_**  he completed and you kissed him, thinking forward about the bright future you had in mind.


	11. Falling Inside the Black

The subsequent days were strange. Without Ubbe’s presence, Ivar was constantly cocky and sometimes, intractable. You knew he had discovered something about the galleries under the city, but he was dividing nothing with you and Hvitserk. He simply stopped treating any of you like his family, starting to plan and decide by himself his next steps with the army which was blindly following his leadership.

Despite the arrogance of your little brother, Hvitserk and you already had noticed Saxons’ plan for that place: after the third hunting party that didn’t come back, you two realized they were isolating the city, besieging the place in order to kill you of starvation or with the diseases that were already spreading on the place.

Instead of you, Hvitserk were more worried. You had already understood Ivar’s behavior and were decided to follow your path wherever it was: you would help him to establish the city or stay there and look at him till he wants to give you your tasks. But as soon as York was recovered by the Saxons’ or taken by your army, you would leave. Therefore, you weren’t really concerned with battle plans or the Saxon Army strategies. You only wanted them to solve it as soon as possible.

However, Hvitserk was really bothered with Ivar’s silence and in that lunch, seeing his brother eating, drinking and acting like nothing was happening was the last drop he could handle.

 ** _“So, the hunting party did not return today”_**  he said.

His plate was empty. You were emptying yours while Ivar seemed not satisfied, eating like there is not a lack of food around the men, ignoring Hvitserk completely.

But Hvitserk was decided to call his attention.

**_“I said the hunting…”_ **

**_“I’ve heard what you said”_**  Ivar said, causing you to sight, disgusted and let go the rib bone you were eating. That attitude was already annoying you.

Hvitserk sighed, continuing. His patience was growing better and stronger than yours.

**_“We are almost out of food. Ad there is sickness in the town. What are we going to do? We have to do something. The Saxons are in their own country. They can be reinforced and grow stronger, while every day we just grow weaker…”_ **

**_“What are you really saying, huh, brother?”_**  Ivar cut him finally taking your glare.  ** _“That I was wrong not to negotiate with the Saxons and Ubbe was right?”_**

That tone…

All that arrogant behavior was causing your blood to boil inside your veins. Ivar had grown stronger but same way Ubbe didn’t have the right to treat him like an incapable crippled, he didn’t have the right to start treating you and Hvitserk as you were disposable pawns in his Hnefatafl game. You were his sister, Hvitserk was his older brother! He might be the leader of that fucking army, but he was still younger than you both and owes you two some respect.

**_“No”_ **

Hvitserk was trying to keep control, but you were already seeing his patient running low.

Even then, even with your glare on his eyes, Ivar kept that ironic expression in his face.

**_“No? Are you sure?”_ **

**_“Ivar…”_**  you started, ready to question his behavior.

But Hvitserk was starting to be annoyed and again he took a position, changing his tone to something a little harsher.

**_“Ubbe was wrong. That’s why I didn’t sail with him”_ **

**_“But now you regret it?”_ **

Ivar was clearly provoking him. And even this way, he was acting so grown, so mature.

You could say you were proud of your Puppy.

**_“I just told you no. Ubbe treated me like his little faithful dog. I’m no one’s dog, Ivar”_ **

You smiled. Even with Ivar’s debauched expression, you smiled to Hvitserk just to see your smile fade away completely with the sound that preceded the men’s laughing around you.

**_“Woof woof”_ **

Hvitserk’s expression just changed and for a moment you saw his eyes lost. He was so small, so humiliated…

Not even your supportive touch on his shoulder was enough to keep him there and he got up, taking his sword and leaving the room, completely humiliated and targeted by the men’s laughing out loud around him.

Ivar himself was laughing.

And it was your last drop.

**_“Is this the kind of leader you want to be?”_ **

Your voice silenced the laughs around and you turned your eyes to Ivar, fierce (y/c/e) eyes in a sharp glare that cut his own laughing into a serious expression.

**_“I was just kidding, (Y/N). If he can’t handle some mocking so he can…”_ **

**_“Is this… the kind of leader you want to be, Ivar?”_ **

Not Grumpy, not brother, no respect for his voice echoing before yours: just your eyes, looking at him as they could swallow his blues. The men around looking at you with some curiosity and some fear…

You knew they fear Ivar…

So what about the shield maiden who was facing him fearlessly?

 ** _“I don’t know where you’re trying to get, (Y/N).”_**  he answered, evasive.

But you took the reins of the subject again, pulling him to where you wanted.

**_“Let me make it clear for you, Ivar, The Boneless. The kind of leader you’re being now, humiliating your equals, treating your family members as nothing, ‘playing’ and having fun on mock of your men like we weren’t here for fighting and die for you… Ignoring your people outside dying of starvation and sickness while you eat like a fucking pig seated on your throne like a damn king, minding anything but your own belly button. Is that the damn kind of leader you’ll become?”_ **

His expression has totally changed. His entire body language went from laughing to the angry mode you know so well, causing his men to pull back and the tension between you two get so thick that could be cut with a knife.

**_“I’m not ignoring my men. Hvitserk mocked me for my entire life and nobody… ”_ **

**_“Don’t you even dare!”_ **

It was the second time you cut his sentence in the middle. The men around were looking at you impressed. To them, for sure, if you didn’t end that situation killed, you must be feared.

 _ **“**_ **Sigurd _mocked you for your entire life and I was always there to stand for you when he was wrong, Ivar. I was always there to stand for all of you so as I was ready to stand for you at the moment you decided to throw that ax!”_**  you said, emphasizing Sigurd’s name and going deep into that not-healed wound between you two.  _ **“But Hvitserk and I, we stayed for a promise I made. And I made that promise to my brother who I was seeing growing into a man and a leader I thought I could trust. Ubbe wasn’t right, Ivar. Everyone knows this. You don’t need to remember it like it didn’t happen yesterday. But he wasn’t wrong either. If that’s your way to lead, mocking on your men, shutting about your plans, ruling everything your way like a dictator as all the minds around you had nothing to contribute with your brilliance, and treating who stays for you as nothing but dogs… If that’s your way to lead this army, so you’re not ready to become a leader. And I’ll no longer fight for your sake.”**_

His eyes went wide on yours, but you kept yourself firm.

**_“I made a promise to my brother and to the leader I was seeing grow. But you stopped growing, Ivar. You’re just a child with a command scepter, avenging your hurts and stomping people around you just because you feel your higher position gives you the freedom and the power to do it. You have never grown as I thought. And I’ll no longer follow a child’s command cause my life is too valuable for me to sacrifice it for a leader who doesn’t honor my sacrifice.”_ **

You saw him clenching his jaw. He was furious, crisping his lips, ready to give you the hell of an answer.

But you only sighed, looking at him.

 ** _“I’m disappointed on you, Grumpy.”_**  you said, crushing completely the tension between you two and his fury, turning his eyes into an afraid glare.

The fearless shieldmaiden on you? That he could face and fight. But his sister, his disappointed sister looking at him? It was too much for his heart and you knew it. You wanted him to feel how far he went this time.

**_“I never thought you could disappoint me that much.”_ **

You turned your back, hearing his voice calling you back. But you didn’t even look back.

You left through the same way Hvitserk made, finding him at the walls, looking outside.

His eyes were teary, he was so destroyed…

 ** _“Lord Odin”_**  you heard his voice  ** _“Did I made the right choice? Give me a sign… Help me…”_**  he said, so filled with pain.  ** _“What is my destiny?”_**

You were ready to hold him when the arrow whistle called your attention and his own, causing him to go down and you to pull the shield out of the wall, blocking the arrows that were going in his direction, using the shield to create a protection for taking him out of that open place inside the watching tower.

Close to the door, you pulled him inside, hurting yourself in the process when you raised your shield to protect his passage, having your shoulder scratched by another arrow.

You two ended up falling to the ground. Your body over his causing your eyes to find each other for a second before he could see the blood dripping on your shoulder.

 ** _“You got hurt”_**  he said, and you rolled aside, sighing while he was taking a look at the superficial wound.

 ** _“I’m done, Hvitserk.”_**  you said, looking at  ** _him “I’m done of it. I’m done of Ivar’s arrogance, of this war, of this bunch of dishonored Saxon shitty men… I’m tired of risking my life in this foreign land for nothing. I don’t want this land, I don’t want this place, I want to get the heck outta here, find a damn place to build a fucking house and fuck you until I have a damn stair of sons with your eyes.”_**  you said, tired, causing him to giggle of your failed attempt at a joke.

 ** _“At least you’re smiling.”_**  you said, sitting and touching his face.  ** _“Come with me.”_** You asked, looking into his beautiful green eyes.  ** _“I know you stayed because of me. I know Ivar can take care of himself. After all, he did, I don’t care anymore… He can do the fucking things his way… Let’s go away, Hvitserk. Just you and me.”_**

 ** _“It wouldn’t be admitting Ubbe was right?”_**  he asked and you sighed.

**_“I don’t think it is a damn competition of who is right or wrong. I’m not talking about life under that usurper bitch’s rules, Hvitserk. I’m not talking about going back to Kattegat and Ubbe’s control. I’m talking about starting over, in a brand new place, you and me. Just the two of us. There is an entire world beyond Kattegat, Hedeby, and Vestfold, you know? Other minor cities where you would be still recognized as a prince, but we wouldn’t have to fight these damn wars… Come with me, love… I don’t wanna do it without you.”_ **

He sighed.

For an instant, you thought he would say no.

Hvitserk always was a Viking, passionate by raids and adventure. And you were calling him to settle down and start a life by your side.

You knew it would be a huge failure, and maybe you were ready to take Ivar’s excuses and stay just for him if he said no to your proposal.

But he looked at you with that beautiful green eyes.

 ** _“I asked Odin for a sign, a way to go… And you came calling me to go with you.”_**  His hand touched your face in such a soft caress; and he pulled your face closer, touching his forehead in yours.

**_“I think I had my answer. Tomorrow… At the end of the day. It is better for us to leave with the night to cover our boat since the Saxons are besieging…”_ **

You didn’t let him finish, holding his face and kissing him deep and slowly, feeling his response as needy and passionate as your own.

Your eyes found his once again, looking deep inside your soul, and you felt his fingers touching your face, running your skin.

 ** _“I love you, (Y/N). And I want that children we dreamed about… I want a life with you. And I don’t want to wait anymore.”_** he said, and you nodded.

With the next night, a boat left York under the cloak of the darkness and the eyes of the moon.

Your future was right in front of you, smiling and paddling away from the docks.

_And Ivar was now undeniably alone._


	12. Peace is a Dirty Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HEAVY ANGST WARNING

Pregnant.

You took three months to realize and really believe it was happening.

After all, you and Hvitserk had gone to the North of Norway and as you said, Hvitserk found an amazing reception so as you, since the kingdom you chose were in debt with your work as a shieldmaiden defending their King. Ulgn were loyal to Ragnar before his sons and kept his loyalty oaths, giving you and Hvitserk the proper treatment the third prince of Kattegat deserved in his town.

You established in a medium house with a good view from the camps and not so far from the city. Hvitserk used his money from England to buy you a pair of slaves, some animals, seeds and the furniture of the house and King Ulgn invited him to work by his side organizing raids and helping him as a counselor, receiving a part of the raids’ loot. You chose a simple life even the money Hvitserk was gaining was enough for you two to live in a palace.

And now after six months of happiness, you had visited the healers of the city and were sure about your pregnancy.

You came home with teary eyes and a smile. Torin, the slave girl that helped with your home chores, received you worried about your tears but smiled when you told her the good news. You asked Algur, the slave man Hvitserk brought you, to kill one of your lambs and Torin to help you to make a special dinner to receive Hvitserk this night. When he came back you two were finishing to set the table.

 ** _“Did I missed something, love?”_**  he said, twisted face in a doubt expression that made you giggle.

Torin smiled at you before living and you pulled the chair for him, smiling sweetly.

 ** _“No. It is just a special day,”_**  you said  ** _“Eat. We made it for you, love”_** ****

He raised an eyebrow starting to serve himself and you could laugh at his expression through the entire dinner. Every time he tasted something good, his eyebrow went higher in his face, denouncing to you that he was trying mentally to remember what the fuck he forgot that could make that day so special.

In the end, he sighed, frustrated and defeated.

 ** _“I’m sorry,”_**  he said looking at you  ** _“I can’t remember…”_**

It was impossible not to chuckle.

 ** _“There is nothing for you to remember, Hvitserk,”_**  you got up with a bright smile, standing beside him while he was turning to look at you straight.

 ** _“So what?”_**  he asked confused and then you took his hands, placing it over your lightly swollen belly, observing while his fingers were feeling the rounded form, sliding slowly. His eyes widened and he looked at you.

 ** _“Yes,”_**  your voice sounded like music into his ears “ ** _I’m with your child, Hvitserk Lothbrook”._** ****

**_—_ **

Your eyes were far away on the horizon, looking to where Kattegat was supposed to be now. Your fingers sliding over the high swollen belly you had after seven months of a pregnancy that was strange and different of what you were imagining.

Hvitserk was so distant… Always distracted, sometimes he even wasn’t sleeping in your bed and you woke up to find him on the balcony or the couch, clearly sleeping in the place the exhaustion of his thoughts got him. In the beginning, you thought it could be some problem with King Ulgn, but soon the news started to spread around the town and you heard about the war. Ubbe, beside Lagertha and Björn, fighting against Ivar and the remaining men from the Great Heathen Army, supported by Harald and his seek for the crown of Norway. You even heard Halfdan, his younger brother, was fighting for Björn instead of him, which made the war receive a second name since Ubbe’s story also had reached the lands beyond the sea… “The War of the Betrayer Brother” or “Brothers’ War” was the reason of the shadow over Hvitserk’s eyes for sure.

And you were tired of this silence.

**_“What do you wanna do?”_ ** ****

He was again on the balcony, looking at the same place your eyes were before, probably trying to see any sign of battle around Kattegat, thinking about his brothers.

 ** _“Hn? What?”_** he asked and you kept yourself firm.

**_“I asked what do you wanna do, Hvitserk?”_ ** ****

He shrugged, chuckling without any real reason in his eyes for it. The beautiful eyes you learned to love for a bright that wasn’t there anymore.

**_“There is nothing I can…”_ ** ****

**_“You’re becoming my shadow now.”_** you sentenced, cutting his voice and causing him to look at you surprised. But you kept your tone. You wouldn’t let him hide behind you as he did with Björn, then Ubbe, and Ivar after them. You were living your dream. But it wasn’t a dream for him anymore.

 ** _“What do you mean? I’m…”_** he started again and you cut his sentence one more time.

 ** _“Please, don’t lie about it.”_** your eyes straight on his  ** _“You’re not happy, Hvitserk. You’re not even looking at me or thinking your son is about to come. You can’t stop thinking about them and I’m not here to condemn you. I also think this is not right. They shouldn’t be fighting each other. They are brothers!”_** ****

Finally, the mask in his face cracked and he sighed, showing you how frustrated he was.

 ** _“I can’t help myself thinking I should be there, doing something about my family, preventing them to kill each other as if we weren’t the same blood!”_**  he tightened his fists, his jaw clenched.  ** _“But I don’t wanna leave you… And our son, I…”_** ****

 ** _“Then let’s go talk with our family, Hvitserk.”_**  you touched his hands with yours, feeling the way you could make his tense muscles to relax just by touching them, sliding your fingertips on his jawline, feeling the tension going away while you were speaking  ** _“I don’t wanna fight and I can’t fight anyway, but I’ve heard there will be a…”_** ****

 ** _“A meeting between the leaders of the two armies.”_**  he completed ** _. “I was also thinking about being in this meeting.”_** ****

 ** _“We can try to be the voice of reason to both sides. We can try to make them stop.”_** You said, softly.

**_“Yes… We can”._ ** ****

You felt his embrace and your heart relaxed in a decision you still didn’t know you would regret forever…

**—**

All the eyes turned to you and Hvitserk when both of you stopped the horses so near the meeting. With the right orders, the men with the spears opened an entrance for you and Lagertha herself gave the chair for you to sit. it is not like you could say you liked her. But you nod to her respectful attitude.

 ** _“What are you doing here, brother?”_**  Ivar asked first.

His eyes looking at your belly and scanning Hvitserk’s posture beside you.

**_“I thought I would find you fighting alongside Ivar, but I can see I’m not the only one who…”_ ** ****

**_“We aren’t here to fight,”_**  you said, cutting Ubbe when you felt Hvitserk’s expression becoming tense to his words.  ** _“Instead of it, we are here to talk and try to put an end to this madness.”_** ****

 ** _“I’m not the one making alliances and fighting my brothers,”_**  Björn said, accusingly. And Ivar chuckled, rolling his eyes.

 ** _“Indeed. You’re here protecting the murderous bitch you call your mother! I just can’t understand what an Aslaug’s son is doing by your side!”_**  Ivar’s potent voice was sounding so charged of anger  ** _“How can you forgive her for murdering our mother, Ubbe? Our mother! How can you?”_** ****

Ubbe laughed, disgusted.

**_“You don’t even try to understand. Everything is just fighting and killing, vengeance and fire for you, Ivar!”_ ** ****

**_“Enough!”_**  Hvitserk sounded, attracting everyone’s eyes once again. And you got up, trying to talk for them both, Ubbe and Ivar, since you knew Björn wouldn’t assume his mother was wrong or give you any attention as always; and the other two members of that conference were disposable for you: Harald could put his ambitions up into his ass and Lagertha could do the same with the crown he murdered your godmother to have. You just wanted your family united, your brothers back!

However, Ivar was surrounded by the most furious berserkers and you knew that… They moved around him with your single movement to get up, as if a pregnant woman could do anything against their leader.

Ignoring them, you tried to continue, to call your brothers to reason once again.

 ** _“Can’t you two hear yourselves? Accusing each other, fighting each other… You used to carry him on your shoulders, Ubbe!”_**  you reminded, causing Ubbe to swallow dry  ** _“It is the same crippled boy we used to pull wherever we went, into that wooden chart Floki made to him, remember?”_**

The memory was painful for them now. Ivar closed his mouth, crisping his lips and looking away from you while Ubbe raised his eyes looking at him, clearly trying to see his little brother on that leader he learned to fear so bad.

 ** _“And Ivar… Brother… That man is the same boy who used to run the entire city after the healers just for seeing your eyes a little bit bluer in the morning”_**  you continued.

 ** _“You two are brothers, Ragnar’s sons! For the gods’ sake, you shouldn’t be fighting each other!”_**  you insisted, ignoring Björn on your count since he wouldn’t listen to your words anyway.

 ** _“She killed my beautiful mother, (Y/N)! In cold blood!”_**  Ivar sentenced, filled with anger  ** _“I can’t… I can’t let her go without a proper punishment! I can’t let it go as if my mother’s death was nothing!”_** ****

 ** _“There are more things to count that only our vengeance, Ivar! There are innocent lives in that town!”_**  Ubbe insisted.

 ** _“Ivar would never think about the collateral damage, Ubbe.”_**  Björn spit, acid  ** _“He’s thinking about himself only!”_** ****

 ** _“And so are you!”_**  Ivar yelled  ** _“Protecting your mother’s ass using all those innocent people as a shield for your murderous bitch! You’re only trying not to feel what she made me feel! I lost everything and this is your mother’s fault!”_** ****

Hvitserk was dizzy. He put himself in front of you trying to protect your body and his eyes went into Ubbe’s, almost begging him to stop.

And then things fell into slow motion for you.

Ubbe extended his hand towards Ivar, stepping forward in order to reach his brother and make him stop. A single step back of their leader and Ivar’s men went forward, to protect him… A loyalty you would have admired if it wasn’t the wrong moment to step ahead. Björn felt threatened and pushed Ubbe aside, trying to take him out of the sword lines and so a fight started right where you were.

For the first time, you saw Lagertha’s eyes looking around as if it wasn’t what she was trying to get. And her hands went to your arm, pulling you to her side, trying to protect you from the battle, since she knew you were a pregnant woman…

Enough for Hvitserk to pull his sword…

A sequence of misunderstandings and wrong steps that ended up with Hvitserk and Lagertha crossing swords and one of her archers ready to cross Hvitserk’s body with a precise arrow that you couldn’t allow to reach its target…

**_“No!”_ ** ****

Your scream called everyone’s attention and the six pairs of blue eyes on that place turned to you when you pushed Hvitserk to the ground, accidentally putting your own body where he was positioned…

A precise arrow that crossed your body instead of his.

 ** _“Stop fighting! Stop fighting!!”_**  Ivar’s voice heard itself before anyone could react. His eyes widened in the large stain of blood that was forming in your dress.

Lagertha let go the sword covering her mouth with her hands.

Björn and Ubbe were frozen while Hvitserk dragged himself as fast as he could to support your body, preventing you to fall straight to the ground, holding your trembling body into his hands.

**_“(Y/N), love… Don’t worry… You’ll be fine! You will… HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!”_ **

**_“CHARIOT!”_**  Ivar yelled.

His hands were shaking maybe as much as your own. His eyes stained in tears of pure despair. The men brought Ivar’s chariot and Ubbe helped Hvitserk to put you over it and hold your body over the car in movement while Ivar was riding it as fast as he could.

 ** _“Hvitserk… My baby… Please, you have to… save my baby”_**  you mumbled. Your heart torn into pieces by the way he was looking at your wounded body, completely devastated.

Ubbe helped him to take you out of the chariot and he took you to the healers’ tent at Ivar’s camp and so they push him away from you and everything turned into pain and fear.

Your labor started as soon as that arrow crossed your body. The bag was broken, you heard the healers saying. Your son…

You were losing your baby.

Those were the worse hours of your entire life. Among pain and sweat, you gave birth to your son too early. But more than rip your flesh and hurt your heart, that arrow destroyed everything.

There wasn’t a cry… There wasn’t a single sound on that tent when you finally finished the terrible labor you went through.

Instead of it, the midwife they took from the slaves to help you looked into your eyes with tears falling down hers.

 ** _“Oh no… no… Please… No!”_**  you begged, but she sobbed with the little package in her hand, motionless.

 ** _“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… It hurt him… The arrow…”_**  she tried, but you extended your hands, taking the little package from her hands and pulling him towards your chest, lulling the child as if it was only sleeping.

A heavy and beautiful boy. His traces so perfect… The little hands, the little face, the nose, his little lips… A perfect child.

But it was lost… He wasn’t breathing, or moving, or crying. Or opening the little eyes you would never know if were yours or Hvitserk’s. The little child in your hands would never suckle the so abundant milk you had in your breasts. There wouldn’t be nights awake, laughs around the house, games, smiles… No.

Only the silence and sobs that took every single woman inside that tent.

That war finally took everything from you and you let go a cry that everyone could say was trying to reach the gods in Asgard. But reached only the three pairs of ears out of that tent.

Hvitserk was walking from side to side since you were taken from him. However, his steps were cut and his eyes widened into Ubbe’s and Ivar’s when they heard your cry.

With no apologies, he broke into the room to see you, covered in sweat and blood, still wounded, holding the little motionless package against your chest, crying and shaking your body as if you could lull your dead child.

The midwife’s tears were everything he needed to understand that scene and his hands went to his head before his knees become too weak to hold his body standing.

Your crying eyes found his. It was over.

Your baby, your dreams, it was all dead.

But instead of tears, you saw anger in his eyes.

 ** _“Hvitserk…”_**  Ubbe’s voice came and Hvitserk’s face frowned.

**_“Get out”_ ** ****

**_“Brother…”_**  the older one insisted, coming closer, and you saw Hvitserk get up and grow bigger than you never seen before.

 ** _“I SAID GET THE HELL OUT!!”_**  he said, shocking his finger against Ubbe’s chest, pushing him outside  ** _“NOW!”_** ****

His son…

His firstborn son was dead.

And this was all his brothers’ fault.


	13. For the Lost Pieces of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV Changed from Reader to Hvitserk! Enjoy!

My son.

My firstborn.

Dead.

My precious (Y/N) wounded in flesh and soul, lulling a dead body of what was supposed to be our major happiness.

My life was being destroyed in front of my eyes because of their lust for blood. Their damn war! Their cursed fight that I couldn’t handle anymore!

**_“Hvitserk, calm down, brother”_ **

Those blue eyes that made me safe for so long now were just igniting the fury inside my soul causing my voice to sound loud and clear when I pushed Ubbe out of the tent with all my strength, throwing him on the ground, near Ivar’s feet.

**_“I SAID OUT!”_ **

My throat was burning. Was it what Ivar felt every time he yelled with Sigurd? It wasn’t time for questions… I was so tired… My brothers were looking at me with the same surprised expression on their faces, but I wouldn’t stop this time. I wouldn’t be silent anymore.

My silence cost my son’s life. My wife’s soul.

 ** _“I’m tired of your damn childish behavior! I’m tired of you! Both of you! That’s enough for me and don’t you dare to open your fucking mouth, Ubbe!”_**  I yelled, pointing my finger towards his face before he could use the breath he took to speak.  ** _“I’m sick of your damn speeches! I’m not your damn little brother! I’m not a fucking child anymore! Neither of us is, but you two insist in acting as if we were! You, trying to control everything around you, to bring back a damn past that is already gone! Fuck, Ubbe! Grow the damn up! Your childhood is over! It will never come back! And you…”_**  My eyes turned to Ivar  ** _“You crippled piece of shit! I don’t fucking care about your damn feelings because every-fucking-body did it for your entire damned life and guess what, Ivar, it didn’t change a shit about your arrogance! You’re just a damn spoiled boy trying to put the world on your feet as our mother were for your entire life! You’re not trying to avenge her! You’re just trying to tell everyone that nobody can touch what you say it’s yours! And I’m fucking tired of your shitty behavior!”_**

 ** _“What?”_**  Ivar said, too shocked to be angry with my words.

 ** _“You’re not thinking straight, Hvitserk”_**  Ubbe tried, but I just yelled even louder to shut his mouth.

 ** _“I SAID YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP! I don’t wanna hear you, Ubbe! I don’t want your damn advice! I don’t want your pity, your feelings! I AM thinking straight for the first damn time of my life and wanna know what?”_**  I pulled my sword and Ivar took a step back when I pointed it at him  ** _“You two wanna fight, right? So let’s do it!”_**

Ubbe got up faster than I thought he could, putting himself protectively between Ivar and my sword. His hands up, unarmed.

**_“Hvitserk, stop it…”_ **

**_“Ah! Look who still sees the crippled bastard as a fucking brother! If you can fucking put yourself in front of a damn sword to protect him so you care about him Ubbe! And you? Uh? Gave up the shitty farms you wanted in the middle of nowhere to fucking fight alongside a murderer for what? Shouldn’t you be planting fucking potatoes? What are you fucking doing here Ubbe?”_ **

**_“Ivar is threatening innocent people and…”_**  he started.

But I wasn’t patient…

 ** _“BULSHIT!”_**  I yelled again, taking a step ahead, seeing him walking back, protecting Ivar who raised his crutch against my sword, hitting it toward the ground.  ** _“Found your balls, little brother?”_** I asked, ironically, causing him to grunt against me.

 ** _“You don’t really want to fight any of us, Hvitserk!”_** Ivar said,  ** _“You are just destroyed by pain and acting without thinking!”_**

I giggled, raising my sword again, pointing his neck with the sharp tip.

**_“I’m not fucking kidding here, Ivar. I’m tired of you all fighting each other and don’t you think Björn and that bitch mother of him will escape me ‘cause as soon as I finish here, I’ll take a horse to Kattegat. But first, you two. If you want to destroy this fucking family, so let’s put an end on it right here! You’ll stop this damn battle or I’ll fucking challenge you, both of you, to a damn combat and then, the better Ragnar’s son can conquer his right to live over the dead body of the other two! You started this shit, Ivar. So the decision is yours!”_ **

Ivar’s body changed into tension and he looked from me to a surprised Ubbe.

 ** _“Are you serious, Hvitserk? Will you fight me?”_** Ubbe said, trying to convince me with those damn eyes once again, taking another step back when my sword turned to his neck instead of Ivar’s.

 ** _“You’ll be the first.”_** I said, firmly  ** _“If I have to lose my family so it will be done in a single shot! On a single day! I’m tired of losing everyone bit by bit! My son died today, Ubbe! We came here to bring peace, to negotiate with you and Ivar a damn conciliation and now my son is dead! So take a damn decision Ivar, or I’ll decide for you! Will you stop this shit and retreat with your damn men or will we fight to death right here and right now to solve this dispute? Now, Ivar!”_**

He was pressed. I could say he was afraid by the way he was looking at us. The tension between us was growing as a fourth person when Ivar let go of his crutch and yelled back an answer to my question…

**_“Okay! It’s over. I’ll take my men back to the camp. Now pull this sword down! Fuck!”_ **

But I kept my blade up with my eyes on Ubbe’s.

**_“You will stop this shit and apologize for not to give Ivar the right value he had!”_ **

Ubbe looked at me without real surprise in his face. He just rose his hand, pushing my blade down and sighing.

 ** _“You’re right,”_**  he started  ** _“We are brothers… And I should have trusted you instead of fear your abilities and try to stop you by negotiating peace with the Saxons… It was…”_**  he sighed again, defeated  ** _“It was a mistake and I’m sorry, Ivar.”_**

 ** _“I still can’t understand why you are fighting for Lagertha. Is this all for proving me wrong, Ubbe?”_**  Ivar said, hurt.

 ** _“No,”_**  Ubbe answered, raising his eyes on Ivar’s again.  ** _“I was really trying to make you stop because of the people of Kattegat, Ivar. They aren’t guilty of our mother’s murder and many of them died trying to protect her. I’m playing her game in order to preserve the most of Kattegat I could and trying to make you see what you’re doing wrong.”_**

 ** _“I don’t want any of them. Neither Björn is important to me! I just want Lagertha to take her ass out of my mother’s chair!”_**  Ivar yelled and I whistled, calling the attention of them both.

**_“I will leave now. I’m going to Kattegat to solve it, Ivar. Put a fucking thing in your mind: She was our father true love. Our mother gave him the children that were promised to him by the gods, but his true love was Lagertha and Björn will never allow you to kill his mother. But sooner or later she will die, Ivar. Mother wouldn’t want us to fight each other for her! If Lagertha dies old seated in a damn throne away from Kattegat so it will be enough for me since I won’t have to find her in Valhalla once again! Now, while you’re here with that damn Saxon priest pretending to have a damn best friend and fighting your brothers, the Saxons are probably trying to recover our claim in York and your men are fighting without their leader to make them stronger! For fuck’s sake, kill that priest and go back to England for doing something really useful of your time! Kick the damn Saxons’ asses and honor our mother’s memory by showing everyone that she was right and you worth her efforts on carrying you every-fucking-where instead of killing this crippled ass of yours!”_ **

I put my sword back on the sheath, looking at them both.

 ** _“You two wait for me here. (Y/N) might need help. Do something useful and…”_**  My eyes went to the ground  ** _“Provide what’s necessary for my son’s funeral”._**

I shouldn’t be thinking about it… I should be waiting for (Y/N) to deliver at the right time. I should be holding my son in my arms… Not seeing her in blood and pain, lulling our child that way. But I would finish this shit for her. I would create a place where she could live without fear and bear our children without that terrible end.

 ** _“I’m sorry, Hvitserk”_**  I heard Ivar’s voice, low. His eyes looking at me  ** _“She will never forgive me, will she?”_**

**_“She’s not even blaming you, Ivar. She’s probably blaming herself as much as I blame myself for coming with her.”_ **

**_“We’ll take care of her for you, brother. But what will you do at Kattegat?”_**  Ubbe asked and I looked at him with firm eyes.

**_“I trusted you my entire life. I followed your decisions and steps blindly. Now it is your time to do the same”._ **

**—**

**_“He said he is here to talk with…”_ **

**_“Lagertha!”_** I got into the Hall without waiting for the thrall that received me to introduce me. Without even calling that usurper “queen” or anything like that. I just pushed the thrall aside, standing in front of her, seeing Björn getting up of his chair, raising my hand for him to sit back.  ** _“I didn’t come for you, brother, and I suggest you not to stand on my way because I’m not Ivar, I’m not here to kill anyone, but I will if you try to stop me”._**

 ** _“How is she?”_** Lagertha asked, but I just ignored the worried tone in her voice. It was just making me even angrier.

 ** _“I’ve heard you didn’t want to kill anyone who was blood-related to my father, is that true?”_** I asked, looking straight into her eyes.

 ** _“Yes, Hvitserk. I don’t want to hurt Ragnar’s offspring… You’re not…”_** she started and I cut her before she was able to finish.

 ** _“You already did. Because of your damn war with my brother, because of your actions against my mother and the way you put my brothers against each other, my wife had our child killed inside her womb for an archer of yours”_** I said with no mercy of her surprised and teary eyes.

**_“It wasn’t my…”_ **

**_“Spare me from your excuses. I’m not here for your feelings. I’m here to solve this once and for all. Lagertha, who once was my father’s wife, mother of my first brother and my father’s first born; I challenge you to a single combat until death for the life of my son you stole from me and for the crown of Kattegat you stole from my mother.”_** Björn got up again but I ignored him and kept speaking with my eyes deeply into hers  ** _“You don’t have with me the same excuses you had with Ivar. I’m not a crippled, I’m not in any disadvantage against you and also I’m a skilled warrior with good reasons for this challenge, so it gives you two choices: you will fight me and stop hiding behind the people of Kattegat to protect yourself from your crimes, or you’ll give me the crown that belongs to my lineage, take your things and your firstborn son who has already rejected the crown of Kattegat and go away. Hedeby is yours. Take the damn lands and never EVER put your feet in my homeland once again or I’ll allow my younger brother to blood eagle you as he wants to do. Make your choice, queen”_** I said, almost mocking the title she was pretending to have.

Björn started to say she didn’t have to do it, but it was her time to raise her hand and I could see something was broken into her eyes.

 ** _“I will never be able to compensate you for what I took from you and your wife. A son’s life has no price. Take it.”_**  She said, giving me the crown she was wearing  ** _“I gladly refuse the throne of Kattegat in your favor and I accept your terms, Hvitserk Lothbrook”_**

 ** _“Mother!”_**  Björn insisted but once again, she raised her hand to shut him up.

**_“Your mother stole everything from me. But she never touched the life of my children. I went too far and that’s enough. I will not carry any more of Ragnar’s blood in my hands.”_ **

**_“A wise decision. You have forty-eight hours to leave the town and you can take with you the shield maidens and warriors that are loyal to your command and don’t want to stay.”_ **

She nodded, touching Björn’s chest when he threatened to take a step forward or say anything against our deal.

**_“You’ll give up this way?”_ **

**_“I told you, Björn.”_** She said  ** _“I don’t want your father’s blood in my hands. There was already too much of Ragnar’s blood spilled and an innocent died without even have the chance to know this world. I owe his son this. My debt is paid. Now pack your things and let’s go.”_**

**_“Warn the people about your decision, queen… It is time for you to go. And you, brother… Consider it as a gift for the chance you gave me in your boats.”_ **

**_“A gift? You should be fighting alongside me!”_**  he yelled and I looked at him, my eyes dark.

**_“I wasn’t even fighting, Björn. I lost my firstborn son in your war. That’s enough. You don’t want this crown. You want your mother, so take her ass out of here and never come back or I’ll have to fulfill my promises and kill both of you! You know I might be younger than you, but I’m a man of word. And If I have to run over you, I will.”_ **

**_“You talk too much for someone who can barely fight by yourself!”_ **

**_“Björn! That’s enough!”_**  Lagertha interfered before I could answer  ** _“You can’t understand what he is feeling now, but I can! I had my own dead children in my hands! I waited for cries I could never listen and held babies I could never lull! I had sons and daughters I could never see growing up and you don’t know what it feels like to lose a child! So shut your mouth, my son! You don’t want the gods to hear your words and give you a taste of his pain. There was already pain enough and too much blood spilled. I never wanted this to happen. I wanted my world back, but it is time for me to understand my world has gone with your father and this crown no longer belongs to me. Hvitserk paid a price for this peace and the deal we are making now isn’t worthy of the value he lost. He must be younger and you must have taught him a lot about battles, but today it is you who must learn, my son.”_**  She said, holding Björn with her hands in his chest before looking at me once again  ** _“Go. And tell Ivar Kattegat will be his tomorrow at the dawn.”_**

 ** _“No.”_**  I sentenced, causing Björn to raise his eyes at me once again  ** _“Ivar is not the legit heir of Kattegat’s crown so as you are not the rightful queen of this place. Since Björn refused the crown in goodwill, it belongs to Ubbe and it is also time for my brother to stop being a child and take responsibility for his obligations as the older son of Ragnar after Björn. If he refuses, this crown will come to my hands and only then, to Ivar’s. I’m tired of wrong things. It is time to make it right.”_**

She nodded and Björn didn’t answer this time. I just sighed, leaving the place where I used to play with my brothers, seeing the square we used to run around, the streets where we used to pull Ivar’s car… The crown in my hand becoming heavier and heavier with each memory my mind was dragging from the places I was crossing in my way back to the camp.

My heart, as well, heavier and heavier with sadness whispering bitter words in my ears…

My son would never see that hall…

My child would never run around that square or through those streets. Or fish on that lake, or swim, or play with Floki’s wooden boats I still had in my old room for him…

I would never take him to hunt with me or teach him how to fight with a wooden sword. He would never feel the sweet caresses of his mother’s hands or smell the scent of her hair…

He would never ask me for help with the girls or come home with a companion for us to know.

My son would never get married. Or have his own children in his arms.

Instead of it, my steps took me back to the camp to see the carpenters carving a small boat in the wood of a good smelling tree.

With acid tears covering my face I got back into my brothers’ tent. Ubbe and Ivar were talking as if they weren’t fighting each other some hours ago… A bitter peace, with a terrible taste to my tongue.

 ** _“Brother…”_**  Ubbe said, but all I did was place the crown of our mother in his hands.

**_“Tell the smiths to make you a crown, since this shit belongs to Margrethe’s head.”_ **

**_“I don’t…”_**  he started, but I didn’t let him continue.

**_“To hell with what you want! You said you were trying to protect people of Kattegat from Ivar’s wrath over your own will to be in peace with your brother or avenge our mother’s murder. So you have what is needed for a king and this is your obligation and your legacy, Ubbe, no one else’s. Now be a man for the first time in your damn life, tell the blacksmith to make you a damn crown and take our father’s place as King of Kattegat because that is your place!”_ **

He sighed.

 ** _“You said you wanted to settle down. Here is your chance.”_**  I finished turning myself to Ivar  ** _“And you… Give the orders and prepare your men to leave.”_**

**_“Hvitserk…”_ **

**_“Give the damn orders!”_**  I almost yelled, surprising and shutting him once again  ** _“You fought since our father’s death for the right and the position you have now. You’re the leader of the Great Army as you wished to be. You’re the fucking great Ivar the Boneless, famous as our father once was. But you told me you would be more than him so take your ass back into that boat and go be greater than Ragnar as you said you could! There are men outside waiting for the glory you promised them. Now carve your name as their leader on the halls of history and conquer your place in Valhalla, Ivar, or Sigurd will laugh at your face from our father’s table until the Ragnarok!”_**

 ** _“I would never give him this pleasure!”_**  He snarled to me, annoyed.

**_“So go there and prove him wrong. You have your safe base now. Go.”_ **

**_“She is still alive, Hvitserk”_**  he grunted and I looked into his eyes again.

**_“She is. And you will let Lagertha live. Period.”_ **

**_“She killed our…”_ **

**_“Fuck off! Enough with it!”_**  I yelled this time, almost growling the words  ** _“She killed our mother, but she will live and her price for what she did is the guilt for killing my son!”_**

He silenced, lowering his head.

**_“She killed an innocent descendant of our father that she claims to love so hard! She, and she only, is the responsible for my son’s death and if I am satisfied with the guilt I saw in her face for my son’s murdering so you will swallow your damn pride and stop acting like a spoiled brat! Now go give them the orders to prepare your departure and get the fuck out of this place! And don’t you dare to come back without an England King’s crown in your head and your name carved on history! Did you hear me?”_ **

He looked away, jaw clenched.

 ** _“Did you hear me, Ivar?”_** I insisted. And he sighed.

**_“Yes.”_ **

**_“Good.”_** It was my time to sigh  ** _“Now… both of you will forgive me.”_**

 ** _“Where are you going?”_**  Ubbe asked me when I turned my back on them, intending to leave the tent.

And I looked at them over my shoulder, tears back on my face.

**_“To my wife’s embrace, to cry my son and give him a proper funeral.”_ **

They didn’t say anything while my steps took me away from that tent.

The peace was restored. The war was over.

But my price for this was too high.

Ubbe had a crown, Ivar had an army, Björn had his mother and I lost everything…

My steps came into the tent slow, almost stumbling… I dragged myself over the bed of furs where my precious (Y/N) was sleeping. Her belly, low and empty, covered in bandages. Her face covered in marks of the tears she cried alone for our beloved son the healers were now preparing for the rites.

I lowered my head, laying it over her lower belly where I was used to putting my ear to hear my son’s movements.

And with the silence of his absence, I cried alone the worst pain I have ever felt.


	14. The Sound of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Hvitserk’s POV after all. This is the last chapter of this work! I wish to thank every single person that helped me to build this fic and become confident enough to publish it.

**_“May the gods be with you and may Hella receive you in her arms. May your soul be able to come back into this world one day, my child. And if her mercy can reach our torn hearts, may the womb of your mother be the chosen to bring you back as once you were to come for us.”_ **

My words were being whispered in my son’s ears while I was filling his tiny boat with herbs and some gifts. I placed beside him a sharp and well-made knife I used to carry with me when I was a child. And covered him with the blanket his mother made for him.

With tenderness and all the pain of this world closing my throat and filling my eyes with tears, I placed my forehead against his, feeling the coldness of his skin.

 ** _“Forgive your father’s foolishness, my son. But know your name will be known by your brothers and sisters. You’re my first. You were loved. You were desired and waited. And I wish I could have held you in my arms at least once before the cold arms of Hella could touch your small body.”_**  my voice sounded broken and dragged this time.

I opened my eyes, kissing his forehead and placing the little boat on the water.

**_“I name you Eiðr¹ because you were the most beautiful promise of my life and your life came with the promise of better times and peace between the ones you leave now, my beloved child. Go. And I hope the gods allow me to see you again, my son.”_ **

My fingers softly pushed the beautiful little boat on the water and Ubbe ignited the arrow in his bow, waiting for the little boat to take some distance of the coast to shot the shining dot as a flying star that landed into my son’s boat, making it shine over the dark waters.

I came back to (Y/N), feeling her fingers gripping my shirt tightly, holding her sobbing body against my chest and caressing her hair with her face hidden against my neck. Her tears wetting the cloth of my shirt as my own were sliding through my cheeks to drop on her dress.

**_“I want him back, Hvitserk! I want my baby back! Bring my son back to me… Tell Hella to give him back… I want my baby back…”_ **

Her words were like rusty blades cutting my flesh to the bones, spreading the pain through my veins slowly, torturing my heart.

My eyes followed the little boat until it disappeared into the waters and so I turned my face to her, kissing her hair, hiding her in my arms as if I could feel the pain for her or protect my sweet (Y/N) from that terrible loss.

**_“We’ll have him back, my love. We’ll have him back… Don’t cry, my heart. Don’t cry.”_ **

I was whispering into her ears, but I knew my words were useless when they couldn’t comfort my own heart.

All the camp had come to see Eiðr’s funeral and one by one they left the beach until only Ivar and Ubbe left with me and (Y/N).

I sat on the sand with her body between my legs. Her torso against my chest and her face on my neck, hidden while I was shaking my body slowly, lulling her. She cried for hours before the exhaustion took her into sleepiness once again. That was all she was doing: wake up crying, beg me to bring our son back to her arms and then cry until sleep to wake up crying once again. Not even when Sigurd died I saw my (Y/N) so crushed.

I felt her body heavier into my arms and my fingers straightened her hair, taking some strands out of her front, wiping the tears from her sleeping face and caressing her wet skin as softly as I could.

Ivar stopped by my side and Ubbe lowered himself to speak low in order to keep her sleeping.

 ** _“She will get better, brother. Our (Y/N) is strong and brave. She will be able to go over it and move on. All she needs is time. Don’t worry,“_**  he tried, pressing my shoulder with his fingers in a supportive touch.

But I sighed. I was tired, crushed and destroyed as much as she was. Maybe time was all we need indeed.

**_"We need time, Ubbe. Both of us. All of us, to be honest. I’ll stay for your crowning and then, I’ll leave with (Y/N).”_ **

**_“Where are you living now, brother?”_** he asked, interested.

**_“A small town not too far from here, in the North. I’m advising King Ulgn about his lands and raids… And I’ll remain there. It is a good land. A loyal king.”_ **

**_“I will need a counselor,”_**  he said and I sighed, looking at him.

 ** _“It is better for (Y/N) to be far away from everyone now. Give us some time, Ubbe. Maybe someday,”_**  I answered with a tired tone.

 ** _“Maybe someday,”_**  he agreed without questioning, helping me to take (Y/N) back to our tent.

The following days were strange.

We transferred ourselves to the principal house after Lagertha and Björn left. (Y/N) was still walking as if she wasn’t really alive and it was killing me inside, but I promised the gods I would respect her grieving. It was her first pregnancy, our first son and she was dreaming about him so hard… Who could blame her for mourning him so long?

Margrethe took care of (Y/N), helping her with the wounds and the bleeding while I was helping Ubbe and Ivar with all the necessary to the crowning.

In a pair of weeks, Ubbe was crowned and Ivar was departing.

(Y/N) was still sad, but at least she was spending more hours of the day awaken and she even participated in the ceremony of Ubbe’s crowning, yet she didn’t stay for the party. Neither did I. It was a simple feast, in respect to our pain, but we didn’t stay anyway.

Now we were at the docks. The men were ready or installing themselves at the boats and my brothers and I were talking before Ivar could go into his boat.

 ** _“Take good care of yourself, brother. And keep sending us messengers or crows or whatever that comes before your fame”_**  Ubbe joked and I shyly smiled while Ivar was giggling.

But his laugh died and his eyes went over my shoulders, causing me and Ubbe to look behind to see (Y/N) coming slow, almost shrunk.

I took off my cloak, covering her to protect her body from the coldness of the docks.

**_“Love… What are you doing here dressed in such a thin dress? You’ll get a cold.”_ **

But she didn’t speak to me. She took some more steps going to Ivar, touching his face with both of her hands and pulling him down to her height, so she could touch her forehead on his. She closed her eyes and I saw Ivar’s filling with tears, but I just nodded negatively, almost asking him silently to not to say anything. It was the first contact they were having since our son died and I wish her to take it until the end. She lost good seconds only holding him that way as if she was praying for his safety. And so she pulled away, taking a coin from her pocket and placing it into his hand.

**_“For your treasure to Ran. May she protect your path and allow your boats to travel in safety, brother.”_ **

He couldn’t hold his tears and a pair of them rolled down his face.

 ** _“I…”_**  he started, but she placed her fingers over his lips.

 ** _“It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It happened because it was the gods’ will. I respect and accept my fate. No regrets, Ivar. Just go forward and make me proud of the leader I saw you grow into. Be their hope and their guide. Be their light and lead their path to glory. I know you will be great, Grumpy. I believe in you”_**.

He nodded and kissed her forehead pulling her to a tight embrace. I could feel the relief in his sigh. Ivar could never handle her hate…

I have to say I was relieved indeed. I didn’t want my brother to leave thinking he was guilty of something she wasn’t blaming him for.

 ** _“The boats are ready, sir,”_**  one of his men said and he smiled, looking at us while (Y/N) was coming back into my arms, hiding from the coldness into my embrace.

He pressed Ubbe’s hand and did the same with me.

 ** _“May the gods be with you, brother”_**  Ubbe said.

 ** _“I’ll try to come for Upsalla’s travel next year. If I don’t, make a sacrifice in my name”_**  Ivar asked and Ubbe nodded.

But when he turned to go into the boat, Ubbe and I jumped into the wooden surface, pulling him into the boat by ourselves, remembering our old times when we used to carry him everywhere.

 ** _“Make a safe travel, brother,”_**  I said while Ubbe was messing his hair with one of his hands.  ** _“And bring us tales of glory.”_**

 ** _“I will,”_**  he smiled back and we left the boat, watching from the docks while his boat was floating away back to Saxon’s lands.

A few more days and it was my time to leave with (Y/N). Ubbe gave us a chariot and I refused the escort he wanted us to take. It wasn’t a long travel anyway, but the chariot helped (Y/N) to make a more comfortable travel since to ride a horse on her state would be something very unpleasing.

The months passed slowly and it took a time until that wound in our hearts became only a scar as the injuries on (Y/N)’s body was now only marks of what she went through.

I never forgot Eiðr and I learned I would never be able to let him go completely. A piece of my son would be always with me, making me question myself if a piece of me would be also with him, wherever he was now.

With the months came the years. Ivar came back to marry the slave girl he brought from England with him. Their firstborn son in her belly already, against all the foreseen about him.

Ubbe’s first son was already counting five years when I found (Y/N) into the room we had separated to Eiðr once again, looking around, touching his little cradle with her fingertips, almost drawing the runes of protection around the wooden edge.

 ** _“(Y/N)?”_**  my voice echoed worried.

Was she feeling something about Eiðr or mourning him once again?

 ** _“How long since we lost him? Six years?”_**  she started with a soft tone. Her fingers now touching the blanket inside the cradle, straightening it with sweetness as if she could cover our lost son with it and grant him the good dreams he never had.

 ** _“Around six years. Love… Don’t do this to yourself.”_**  I tried, coming from her back to hold her waist.

Interrupting my movements when my hands felt her lightly swollen belly under my fingers.

I closed my eyes with my chin touching her shoulder, allowing my fingers to feel that magic sensation once again. And she nodded, answering the mute question on my touches.

The tears rolled down my face silently wetting my smile.

Six years. Six long years.

But he finally forgave us.

The gods finally allowed me happiness once again.

I felt her hands over mine, caressing my hands.

 ** _“This time…”_**  she started without finishing.

Sometimes we just didn’t need words to understand each other.

 ** _“Yes,”_**  I answered.  ** _“This time.”_**

She turned around, holding me and hiding her face in my neck. And I held her back, sighing in relief.

My heart could finally beat again and this time…

This time we would find our peace.


End file.
